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Comment by RIMR | Hacker News Reader

It turns out that rapists like to enter relationships with damaged people, and damaged people have trouble leaving violently abusive relationships. I know understanding isn't a strength of yours, but hopefully this helps.

>nor am I blaming anyone

Saying this doesn't immunize you from valid criticism of victim-blaming. Your question is basically "Why would the victim let it happen again?". I know you're "just asking questions", but we all get the message you are sending here.

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> I know you're "just asking questions", but we all get the message you are sending here.

You seem to be mind-reading and assuming everyone who doesn't already understand things the way you do is acting in bad faith.

Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.

Like you, I am not much of a fan of victim-blaming, but you're reading the post in an extremely negative light. The poster literally concludes with "I just don't understand it." A more charitable way to interpret this statement is "please help me understand."

The first part of your response is informative, and I thought "interesting response." The second part is just nasty and I thought "wow, what a **." Do you want the poster to understand or do you just want to score points?

No, you're projecting your own arm chair therapist thoughts here. The victim may have perfectly valid reasons that they justify for themselves. That does not mean that I will understand it. Lots of things can be justified while at the same time not making rational/logical sense. Emotional decisions rarely do. I've never been in a relationship with physical violence, but I have been in relationships that have been toxic and mentally/verbally abusive on both ends. I now recognize them much faster with age and ruthlessly end them as soon as the fog of new relationship allows it to be recognized. Days since most recent end of relationship: 3

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