I see now it was the former.

Edit: Pre-empting the inevitable "how is this ableist?":

I don't mind the use of a reclaimed slur, I'm a big proponent of that, tbh. I use them all the time. What's ableist is the idea that spouses have to deal with their partners. The idea the autism must be a negative in a relationship removes agency from autistic people. My spouse is not my nurse, I am not someone they have to "deal with".