First: it's not a mandatory recall. You didn't need to replace the iMac hard drive.
Second: Western Digital hard drive failures are not directly Apple's fault. Apple package the product but it's only indirectly their fault -- Western Digital screwed up here.
Third: The affected products are all past their warranty date. Apple are being better-than-average by offering this recall at all.
Does this makes Apple look like a "dysfunctional, hideous and dystopian company"? Not in my opinion. In fact, you sound like you've gone completely off into ridiculous hyperbole-land.
> I am surely able to do it, considering the poor skill level of your staff. You should offer this as an option.
You don't have any backups of your hard drive (which is why the easy options all disappointed you) but you think you're skilled enough to replace an iMac hard drive? Do you have a full set of Torx screwdrivers and suction cups? Maybe you should sell your Torx screwdrivers and buy a backup drive.