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> > But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person.

> I don't know what "being with the wrong person" means. There is no "right" or "wrong" person as the world doesn't revolve around you.

Ho boy. Listen, I was married for 6 years, separated / divorced for 5 years, and now have been married for 10 years. You have no idea what kind of hell those last few years of the first marriage were. I had no idea until I'd been separated for a year, and gotten back to some sense of normalcy. I can't even describe to you what it's like to live in a house where you're emotionally wounded continually, or to realize the best you can hope from an attempt at a "date" is "it didn't explode".

One of the problems my ex and I had getting help was that people just couldn't seem to understand how bad it was. We'd describe something, people would say, "Oh yeah, marriage is hard, it will get better." Well no; our marriage was way worse, and it never got better.

The second marriage is so different. It's the kind of hard you're talking about -- we put in effort, it pays off. We argue, then we sort things out. We're not like some movie romance, but we're fundamentally a team. Some part of it is certainly "I learned something"; but a big part of it was definitely "It wasn't all me".

ETA: And, apparently, my ex has now been married to someone else for 11 years. Again, I'm sure she learned something from the disaster of our marriage that helped her in her second one. But I can't help but think there was something more than that: something difference in personality between myself and her current husband, such that she and I couldn't work things out but the two of them can.

I don't know what "being with the wrong person" means.

Congratulations.

Seriously. Not understanding what this means almost makes the reply worthless as the proper context just isn't there.

I was in two different relationships where my partner was trying to destroy me. One literally tried to murder me.

Being alone is so much better than that, it's not even close.

Thats not what most people use about the wrong person. Thats an abusive relationship. And the comment says as much a few sentences later

Some of you people are so autistic it needs to be spelled out for you. Being with people who aren't good for you in other ways is similarly terrible. I cited one extreme example and that's the only thing you focus on.

It could be as simple as someone who isn't supportive ever.

And no, the person that tried to kill me wasn't abusive otherwise. She was just very unstable.

pretty sure I've 'been' biologically evolved to impregnate as many women as possible and then die at 35 like everyone else

so yeah, your take is controversial, but not why you think

There are biological benefits for a male to stick around and being involved. I dont know but Andrew Tate style dudes don't seem particularly happy or fulfilled despite the show they pit on

Yeah, the point I was trying to make was that marriage and family isn't necessarily some kind of evolutionary imperative, and it doesn't really help the argument to pretend it is. There are plenty of benefits to it without having to invent fake scientific connections.

Thanks, I was going to say exactly that. I agree with most of the other comment, but the biological part did not sound correct to me. Biologically, we should impregnate as much people as possible, and monogamous couples would not be the standard.

> most people should aim to do what we've been biologically evolved to do, namely find companionship and love w/ someone and raise a family.

You misunderstood the point. The GP isn’t saying you shouldn’t do that. They’re saying that if you find yourself in the position where you don’t have mutual love for one another, the relationship could be worse for the both of you than if you were both alone.

> I don't know what "being with the wrong person" means. There is no "right" or "wrong" person as the world doesn't revolve around you.

It’s subjective. As is love itself.

The person quotes his or her qualifications as being single for 20 years, as though that's a qualification. It was 100% about long term coping mechanisms for persistent loneliness and drifting in life. Why would you want to model that?

I agree I am not a good role model for marital advice. That is why I am not giving any. All my advice is about self-care when your only company on vacation is, for whatever reason, a cat and PlayStation controller.

You’re not wrong. But the “advice” to find someone or “get out of relationship” is never helpful. It is “find a job” kinda one if you don’t understand why.

I hope you’ll find a different way to support your kids if they ever get in a dark and lonely place.