Poorly, I'm afraid. There's nothing inherently wrong with PHP per se. 99% of the problems with PHP are the result of it being a language that novice programmers can easily learn and become productive in. There's nothing wrong with that and given the alternatives, I encourage it. However, novice programmers tend to write garbage code and attempt to overcome lack of architectural cohesiveness with brute force. This quickly devolves into spaghetti code and soon, Murphy's law raises its head leading to the programmer crawling under his/her desk and considering a life as a llama rancher when the web app craters in spectacular fashion.
The lesson from this is that a bad programmer produces bad code. Nothing can save us from our self and Pogo had it right many years ago when he said "We have met the enemy and he is us."