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Comment by MDGeist | Hacker News Reader

I think it depends on the part of the US. In my experience, being from the south, I am used to people engaging in small talk with strangers. However, working in the northeast I find people to be very transactional until you wear them down over an extended period of time haha.

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In some cultures, you signal respecting someone's time by not bothering them.

In other cultures, you signal respecting someone's time by making small-talk with them.

Advice about making small talk vs. not making small talk is not really useful unless it acknowledges this cultural divide and the percentage chance a stranger falls into one culture or another.

This was also my observation after growing up in New England and then moving to Denver, Colorado. People were much more open to conversation than I was previously used to which felt like a breath of fresh air. I realized people in New England seemingly default to a “defensive” interaction mode when conversed with without a pre-shared common ground, such as a task or moment. Its quite apparent when visiting family back east.

Fellow New England -> Colorado transplant. It was pleasantly shocking for me too how much chattier and friendlier people are in Colorado. But now I've lived in Colorado long enough that when I go back to visit New England, it's shocking how cold and taciturn people are there. Conversations with strangers rarely get past "How ya doin?" "Fine and you? "Fine, thanks."

I do appreciate how direct people in the northeast tend to be, and sometimes miss that aspect of the culture.

I grew up in small town Midwest and have now lived in tiny town New England for 20+ years. It still bothers me that folks here in New England won’t even acknowledge you on the sidewalk as you pass each other whereas in the Midwest that is a good excuse for a conversation. They haven’t worn me down though, I still say hello at least to each person as I pass and maybe get a mumble back 50% of the time.

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