> so i am curious how others approach this today. how do you meet new people outside of work or school in 2026? do you ever start conversations with strangers in public, and if so how? are there environments where this works better than others? for people living in more reserved cultures (like scandinavia), what strategies have worked for you? would love to hear what has worked for others.
I did pickup for many years in my late teens and early twenties. It started out learning how to talk to and attract women, but I learnt general social skills too and learnt how to make friends pretty easily.
Something I've learnt is that if you're thinking about "approaching" people that you're probably not going to get very far. People are weirdly good at smelling your intent. It's kinda like how you know that someone who stops you in the street is trying to sell you something before they've even said a word. People know when you're not being sincere or when you want something from them, even if that thing you want is just to be their friend it will come off as desperate and weird.
What you need to do is become good at finding situations in which it would be totally normal to talk to someone then put yourself in them.
My advice would be to find an event where you live. Ideally you want an event which will attract a decent crowd and where socialising is possible (not a loud club, not a movie, etc). Good events might be a street celebration or carnival, or maybe just a park on a sunny day.
Before you go think about ways you might start a conversation. If possible they should be genuine. Some examples:
- Go to a beach and sit in an area where there's a group that might be good to talk to. Cook food on a portable BBQ and offer some to the group near you. "Hey, I got some left over burgers from my BBQ – do you want some?" Regardless of whether they say yes or no immediately transition, "Nice day today. You local?". etc..
- Go to a carnival with some bottles but no bottle opener then ask people if they have a bottle opener. Again, regardless of whether they say yes or no, immediately transition into conversation.
Personally where possible I liked trying to get people to approach me first... So for example if you're in a place where lots of people are drinking it's quite common for someone to approach you, especially if you're on your own or have something / are doing something that might attract attention (again you should be creating these scenarios). Then once someone has started talking to you from here you should try to get to know their friends and try to bounce between people and groups until you find someone / some group you like. For me that felt so much more natural if I went out on my own than trying to talk up to people and try to talk to them.
Please don't try talking to random people on the bus or when you're walking down the street. No one wants this. They'll either be weirded out by you or give you really bad vibes. These bad experiences will create negativity around interacting with strangers and make it less likely for you to talk to strangers going forward. Find natural ways to meet and talk to new people. Over time as you become more confident and used to talking to random people you might find non-weird ways to talk to people on a bus or in the street, but trust me, it's not easy if you want to do more than say hello.