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every contract by every ISP i have ever signed has required me to be over the age of 18 to enter the contract.

In many countries, it's possible to get a prepaid SIM with data access - without any ID or age requirement whatsoever.

ah, fair, but with an easy enough fix. make data-enabled SIM cards be 18+ (or whatever age). show ID to the store clerk at purchase time, just like if you were buying smokes/alcohol.

And then how does public wifi work? Stand outside a Weatherspoons, or just walk down a highstreet with free internet, back to square one

seems dead simple to me: if you host public wifi, you are responsible for the people that use it. easy!

just like you already are responsible for what happens on your free public network (torrenting, hacking, CSAM, etc.) in most jurisdictions

(for what its worth, i think age verification is dumb. but it looks like we're getting it one way or the other)

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