I think it must be awful to carry that around; it's awful to hear. You are important and I really hope you come to see that it's you that matters, not these outside events and people who you don't even know and who are fodder for HN and social media.

When we devalue ourselves then things and people on the outside become relatively much more powerful and more significant. If we love ourselves - and you do deserve that - then they really don't matter. It's not that the world and life and events don't matter at all, but it's only a fraction of how it may feel now; it's a whole different perspective and experience. People have survived decades of oppression, prison and worse on that basis.

Turn off the social media and the news if it will help - that stuff is not important; you are. I could care less about all this stuff on HN if you, a real person, is ok. And talk to a professional, a therapist; you don't have to feel this way and it can change your life.

I really hope that helps you some.