They're actually referencing the Ryan Gosling meme, not OAG. There's an image of him right on the page.

Same with Italian, although occasionally people do use the past rather than the subjunctive, but it sounds pretty bad; much worse than "If I was".

No, "was" implies the past indicative, which means "If I was your cloud provider in the past", whereas "were" implies the subjunctive mood, which expresses "various states of unreality such as wish, emotion, possibility, judgment, opinion, necessity, or action that has not yet occurred" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subjunctive_mood)