How do you handle claims of neglect from your significant other(s)? | Hacker News Reader

How do you handle claims of neglect from your significant other(s)?

6 pointsaswanson18 comments

You work on that computer too much, etc?

Find an understanding significant other (preferably before this problem arises). My girlfriend moved to the other side of the continent less than a month after we started dating, with my encouragement, because it was the right thing for her to do at the current point in her career. Obviously there's a certain amount of reciprocity involved -- she'll equally understand if I need to do what's right for my career, even if it makes our relationship a bit more difficult at some point.

'A bit more difficult' ?!?

What kind of relationship do you have? An asexual one?

I just lost my SO a little over a month ago. In retrospect, I made a lot of mistakes during the time I was working on my little project.

I have no advice, but my opinion, for what it's worth, is that if this is THE person for you, I truly doubt you would even be capable of neglecting them anymore than absolutely necessary. Sounds a bit off, but I believe it.

If you are with THE one, you guys ought to be magical. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs (PG will tell you startup life is all-consuming, and personal experience says he's right).

I lost my SO, but it didn't really phase me too much. She wasn't the one for me. If you're asking this question because you're going through this problem right now, maybe it is best to free yourself of unnecessary entanglements. But if you feel the person you're with is the one for you, do your best to keep your startup worries to the computer screen.

Oh, during the "good times" with my SO, I used to be a pretty spontaneous person. Once the startup life began, I got pretty boring. Look out for that one. I hear women don't like boring.

Take them seriously. If your relationship was healthy before, the fact that you have to be told you're neglecting your SO means you should have noticed a long time ago.

Or it means that you're actually doing your job.

Probably, but you should decide which is more important.

Life is about balance. It's not easy to do, but you need to pay special attention to giving the proper amount of attention, time and prioritization to all aspects of your life. It's easy to get caught up in only focusing on your startup, but it's not a good long-term choice if you want to maintain a happy relationship with your SO as well.

Ironically, I'm building a web application to address this problem... you can check it out: http://muchcloser.com

Right now it's still at an early alpha. For now it just has some features from highrise, but this will change in a few months.

It's public so if you're interested, you (or anyone else) can let me know what you feel needs to be changed or added to meet your needs

Nice.

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

so what do you suggest I (and people like aswanson) do then?

I do not have any suggestions for you; I'm not especially good at relationships and don't have much experience with startups. Looking at your screenshot, it looks like your app is essentially a to-do list and messaging tool. Most of us already have those. I don't see how yours will help people balance their work and personal lives any better. Sorry to be negative, but this doesn't look like it does much to address the problem you want to solve.

I have no problem with constructive criticism. I just really hate it when people say vague things without any logic or details attached. From my point of view, you're not helping me either realize it's a dead end or how to fix it; you're just saying it sucks

On the other hand what you just wrote is a valid constructive criticism which I really truly appreciate...

yeah I am aware of it and we're working to fix it... like I said, there's a lot more coming in the near future; whether it's useful or not I'll let other people decide once it's done