Raccoons break into liquor stores, scale skyscrapers and pick locks | Hacker News Reader

Raccoons break into liquor stores, scale skyscrapers and pick locks

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34 pointspseudolus9 comments

A racoon is the reason my cats live behind a flap/door controlled by an rfid reader. Prior to its deployment the racoon had learned to squeeze through the door then figured out how to open the latch on the food bin (quite difficult for a human to open). If I didn't have video of it opening the bin I'd have doubted it were possible. As mentioned in the article it looked as if it had rehearsed the unlatching ahead of time.

All I think about when I hear and see these stories of raccoons being so slick:

1: I completely understand the trope of the burger/heist person looking like a raccoon and

2. I can't help but to think how useful they might be in search and rescue type scenarios. Or even just the terrain mapping aspect of it.

The problem with number 2 is that they're trainable until they don't want to be. Think like a cat, but smarter, with opposable thumbs, and a genetic vendetta against human made structures and humanity in general.

Search and rescue would almost immediately become search, weirdly touch the face of victims with their weird little hands to see if they can defend themselves, eat part of the victim, rescue.

If you have raccoons in your neighborhood, get a laser pointer and watch them go crazy. other animals like squirrels, birds, opposums,etc.. don't care for the red dot, but raccoons try to chase it.

drive them crazy for a few nights, then go out to them the third night, they tense up, they are going to run but you crouch down trying to keep them calm, then you show them how to use the laser pointer, it will take a while but they will understand. When you see they have understood stand up and put your hands on your hips and laugh like the jolly green giant. Then go back inside. Look back out the window. They are all just standing there looking at you. They look pissed.

Cue Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack.

Seriously now, the people who claim octopi will be the next civilization on Earth seriously underestimate raccoons.

I have been accused of loading a dishwasher like a mad raccoon would.

Not a raccoon on meth? https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/04/how-to-lo...

Remember enjoying reading this silly piece

Very possibly, I don't remember the event clearly. This was an opinion my partner expressed about my dishwasher loading habits. Although I did make the mistake of saying, "You've got it wrong, sweetie. I'm not the raccoon."

So now, I keep my mouth shut, rearrange the dishwasher after she's loaded it, and add more stuff into the dishwasher because there is now room for additional dishes.

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