The software is too fine-grained. Too many (way too many) packages from small projects or obscure single authors doing way too many things that are being picked up for one trivial feature. That's just never going to work. If you don't know who's writing your software the answer will always end up being "Your Enemies" at some point.
And the solution is to stop the madness. Conglomerate the development. No more tiny things. Use big packages[1] from projects with recognized governance. Audit their releases and inclusion in the repository from a separate project with its own validation and testing. No more letting the bad guys push a button to publish.
Which is to say: this needs to be Debian. Or some other Linux distro. But really the best thing is for the JS community (PyPI and Cargo are dancing on the edge of madness too) to abandon its mistake and move everything into a bunch of Debian packages. Won't happen, but it's the solution nonetheless.
[1] c.f. the stuff done under the Apache banner, or C++ Boost, etc...