I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione way of talking to an actual human being). People used to do this y’know? Back then.
I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione way of talking to an actual human being). People used to do this y’know? Back then.
The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or smartcards anymore.
Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to use QR codes for menus rather than printing them onto a sheet of paper or writing them to the wall.
I love leaving my phone behind, primarily because I am in the "we're entertaining ourselves to death" crowd considering I essentially grew up with mobile phones already. But our environment is increasingly build on the assumption that we carry a smartphone with us at any given time.
My kid got sick at daycare one time when I was over an hour away. They just had to stay there while I worked my way back.
It happens, and it is handled normally.
When we looked at in-home child care, one of the options was a nanny who would care for kids even when the kids were sick. So I'm sure the rapid-pickup-of-sick-kids policy isn't universal. However, our day care had that policy and we made sure we knew who was "on-call" to get kids when important meetings or work travel impacted our availability.
but i am genuinely glad for people who find that level of self-control readily accessible, that's just not me.
There's some interesting implications around the "default mode network" that's worth thinking about, and the sort of world we might be inadvertently bending toward [building] when everyone is constantly struggling to engage internal control mechanisms and depleting their ability to do other unconscious sorts of processing: https://archive.is/fYqtB
I've personally struggled with adherence to my reduce screen time goals and while exercising more self control has helped, making active choices about my environment did help a lot more. And I like it that way, and I hate to see these choices be torpedoed all the time
To quote the Gorillaz:
> That's a fallacy
Self-control is not a "have it or don't" thing. It can be developed and exercised, often simply by trying and failing, and then trying again (like any exercise!).
I'm not saying it's not harder for some people than others. I'm also not saying that it isn't harder to exercise on some circumstances than others. However, it's absolutely not a binary thing, and it is achievable, in some form, for anyone.
I think people need to really lighten up sometimes.
Am I supposed to get upset with what they choose? I'm not saying I would leave. I'm saying I would stay and let someone else pick something for me to eat.
Their marketing is geared towards the p*rnography addiction crowd but from my own experience, it works equally well for those easily distracted by screens (I have ADHD).
Parental controls are underrated.
I've been postponing writing a guide on how to set this up for a while, but I think I'm motivated to do it now, I'll try to have something up by the 8th here https://tim2othy.github.io/ws/screen-time/, maybe useful for you.
Ours do the same but I just ask and are normally happy to talk. Personally I think the staff enjoy it as they get a few minutes of talk time rather than rush rush next order.
There is no need to leave it behind, just having the right usage control over it would suffice.
At least I need my apple watch with cellular enabled so I can dial myself in.
This is so true! Surprised how many commenters are saying "just have self control" etc - a phone is close to essential for a lot of services in a city.
I'd be super interested in tips people have to avoid the psychological impact phones have when they do have to take them with them. A lot of phones have "relax" or "do not disturb" modes - curious if that actually works for anyone?
It's difficult for apps like chrome that are distracting but also useful, I personally also limit chrome, if this means I can't look something up so be it, it's worth it for me.
Why more people aren't doing this is one of the main things that confuses me. People are constantly complaining about using their phone too much, but they don't just do this. I guess I'm an extreme outlier in terms of how willing I am to restrict the actions of my future self.
Ever since I've owned a smartphone, they have been on "do not disturb" 24/7. People that know me know they won't reach me directly, but that I will call them back eventually. I do have a couple of voice calls every day; I schedule them ahead of time based on my own actions, and set an alarm to take out the phone.
I am typically involved in something and I don't want to be disturbed during it; it may just be thinking, or reading, or actually talking to a human being present with me; why would I ever want to be disturbed? I only check my phone when I want to actively perform some task with it anyway, e.g. to look at maps, and then I put it away again. I don't mind carrying it around and needing to use it increasingly for tickets and such. I do not experience this as "self control". I don't have the urge to take out my wallet or keys or umbrella unless I need them either. Why would I.
I typically (also) carry a paper book to read on public transport or in cafés.
I can sync music to it and use it for contactless payments, which is just about enough.
It’s possible to do a bit more but it’s more basic than an Apple Watch as a smartphone alternative (but much better for everything I want it for), and as I mostly use it for sports tracking and being phoneless, I haven’t set any other apps up.
One of the reasons I don't see much value-added from meditation is that it seems like a ritualistic wrapper around something I already do and value: clearing one's head, quiet time without consuming visual stimulus and without brooding. We are prone to bombarding ourselves constantly and wonder why we're fatigued partway through the day.
I like to reserve the "thinking" component to journaling time, as that seems to help organize thoughts. Or else, do it while walking.
>It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist.
I had the same feeling as you. Why is it weird to do something alone ? - and like you I thought this must be an American thing. Mostly, because stuff like "eating out alone" or "going to the movies alone" was describe as weird by American authors before.
Sure, it's close to impossible to not "auto-socialize", when you are alone. It's one of the reason I like to do things alone. Either being a regular to the cafe/restaurant host or you get into contact with other people,
It doesn't. That was pure projection on the author's part.
But yeah, I found the whole intro section a bit confusing because it’s just extremely common to find people enjoying an hour alone at a café here and certainly not “against the reasons cafès exist”.
I don't know if the author is American but americanos are not an American thing so they are likely not in the US.
Certainly every coffeeshop here in Seattle has them and and I expect most do elsewhere too.
Espresso has taken over coffeeshops such that some won't also have drip coffee anymore and if that's what you want, an Americano is approximately how to get it.
No brand new iphone or new macbook means poverty which is usually not cool.
It blows peoples minds if you read a book. Not a college textbook but something for fun. Homeless people don't read so they get confused.
Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless people to sit all winter, so its not very cool.
Public transport often is the best and most efficient way to move within a city where I live, or in places like London, Stockholm, Berlin or quite a lot of other European cities.
> Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone
Really? Anyone sitting alone is a homeless one? Anyone without a shitty Apple product is poor?
> Homeless people don't read
WTF. This one made me laugh out loud. You must not have had much contact to homeless people. I have had quite a few acquaintances in my lifetime being homeless, worked with them, did social work on the side. And I got to know so many different people with different interests. Yes, a few were the stereotypical homeless person depicted in mass media. A few were highly functional members of society, had a day job 9to5 - and still lived on the street. Many had read way more books than myself - and I am an avid reader.
What is it with this stereotyping of people.
Here we take the bus if it’s the best route. We also read books and sit alone in cafés (sometimes at the same time).
Where do you live that reading a book will blow people's minds? I've been in many places and see people reading books and newspapers regularly and no thinks anything of it.
Without phone it would be too cringe, even with phone its cringe. I behave as if though I'm texting someone. It's the societal weight of being the one who is alone.
Maybe you should treat cafes the same?
It's just different so their initial thought of it being awkward without further reflection is based on reality not some blown up fear.
I also say this as someone that has no trouble striking up conversations with strangers. So not like I barely go out.
What if you are going from A to B, but in the middle you go to a cafe to grab a coffee, and maybe wait a bit for your connection?
If I want to see a movie, I see a movie. If I want to travel, I travel.
Now with my last vacation I happened to be on the same continent as a long term friend who I hadn't seen in very long time. We met up, and it was like we were hanging out in college again.
But I had a great time traveling solo before that.
If you have the mentality that you need to be around your friends constantly you'll never try anything new.