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>this resulted in me developing an "internet personality" aka "being a piece of shit.

I'm so glad you got out man. Seriously. You climbed out of a hole that many can't even see.

What really stuck with me is how delayed the correction was. You didn't get immediate feedback that "this is not how people actually relate to each other" until college, and by then the social debt was already there. That's a brutal way to learn norms

Probably you won't be the freak anymore in today's online society as most of the others do the same

I am somewhat doubtful about the importance of American car centric suburbs because its happening in a lot of other countries too. its happened in the last few decades in British cities that have become a lot less car oriented.

I think it is linked to things such as pressure on kids to do school work, less trust of both kids and people in general. A lot more control. A lot more metrics replacing judgement.

Glad to hear you figured it out. I somewhat identify eventhough I didn't go as deep.

> if I did my homework before they got home they wouldn't believe me and would make me do some kind of schoolwork so they could see it happening, so basically for 4 years the majority of my free time was spent playing WoW and posting on 4chan.

Oh I hate this. Busywork. Also I think you and I got incentivized to play as much computer games as possible due to the arbitrary limitations of it and constant fear of being pulled off to some busywork. It was like a never ending battle ...

I think many parents don't realize that "doing the laundry" on command is like 10x the work of doing it when you please. You can't relax after school.

> so basically for 4 years the majority of my free time was spent playing WoW and posting on 4chan.

because the sidewalk was next to a busy road? sounds like a bit of a reach

sidewalk ended apparently. i am imagining some super hostile urban planning. like did a cyclist cheat with the planner's spouse? is there not another route?

Streetview almost any US suburb. There often is not a way to safely cross a 60ft+ wide road with a 40mph speed limit (which means large vehicles with distracted drivers are driving 50mph+.

Almost all businesses are located on these wide roads, and neighborhoods basically become islands for the kids. It’s especially bad in the winter, because it gets dark quicker, and crossing that 60ft+ wide 40mph+ road gets dicey even as an adult.

I wish we had a neighborhood island. The road we live on is a quarter mile long (so, short) with few houses. It ends in a road where cars go 40+ mph. That road is awful - not only are there no sidewalks, but it twists and turns, and the road is cut into a hill with steep unwalkable slopes on either side. At any point a car could be coming downhill around the bend and your options as a pedestrian are to hope they see you or to just get run over.

I took you up on the challenge. Something near SF since HN's spiritual home, and not too out in the sticks.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/CzuphnMwvwmoo8yLA

Yeah that looks terrible. That was pretty much random first place I looked.

It's impossible for people to get how bad it is until they see it. My old house had a grocery store 1.2 miles away. To walk there, you have to cross a 6 lane highway. Entire neighborhoods here have no sidewalks. And the roads are so torn up they're unusable. My friend had to get rid of his road bike and get a fat tire suspension bike. None of the intersections have any lights or visibility. And you can't run off the road because the ditches have broken glass and garbage in them!. Trash that hasn't been cleaned up in years. Add to that there's a general culture of hostility towards bicycles.

A pedestrian got hit by a pickup truck and the trucks made a "caravan" to roll coal at the memorial spot where they hit her.

There's no consistency in america. I moved 15 minutes away to "the good" part of town, and every street is new and perfectly smooth. There are marked bike lanes everywhere and they're all connected. I didn't understand at the time, but moving to where the bike lanes are completely changed my life and opened up the entire city for exploring in a way that I didn't expect.

Aside from getting my adorable cats on craigslist, no other 1 decision has changed my life for the better so drastically. I sold my car. I bike to new food places on my lunch break. I met tons of amazing new friends. My fitness is way up.

People aren't good at visualizing what being in a car all the time is taking from them. In terms of happiness, I honestly feel like I got a 50k raise at my job or something. Car centric design is robbing people of the chance to disscover thier own cities

> People aren't good at visualizing what being in a car all the time is taking from them.

I really wish someone would do a study somehow on what kind of psychological effects are caused by being angry at everyone in your city for an hour twice a day (sitting in traffic).

Too, in regions with winter weather (snow, or worse, sleet and ice), what few sidewalks or walking/biking trails which might exist are often further limited due to accumulated snow, if not slick with ice.

This can be found even within town/village centres, let alone the stroads and strip-malls on their peripheries. Walking and cycling become far more perilous.

Not impossible, but challenging, and a clear danger for the very young, elderly, or disabled.

Local ordinances to maintain clear sidewalks are quite often observed in the breach.

Then there's the shortened daylight hours, mentioned elsewhere in this thread.

You are right for most people. I am not (and cannot get) fit enough to walk and ride everywhere. I walk as much as I can because cars suck but I appreciate the car. You got me thinking about ebikes. Speed is also a thing though. Getting somewhere in 2 minutes instead of 10 is very convenient.

My friend has a velotric T1 and it's really great. Definitely get an ebike. I got a reflective jacket on ebay for $20 so cars can see me at night. Ebikes are just as good as normal bikes ( it took me years to realize this ). I have an EUC so I wont get an ebike fore now.

And yeah if I end up having kids, Ill get a minivan or something for chauffeuring. Sometimes you do in fact, need a car

The best cities have laws that allow for light motorized vehicles in the bike lanes. Not just ebikes, but also mobility scooters, microcars, electric wheelchairs, and adaptive bicycles.

I stayed at a hotel in Dallas that has a free shuttle for crossing the road.

As there isn’t a way to walk to the strip mall across the road.

If you're in a suburb what else is there to do? Going to any interesting spots to hang out with friends involve asking your parents to bring you there with the family car and then arranging a strict timetable on when to pick you up again.

> If you're in a suburb what else is there to do?

i mean, i agree with you, theres nothing to do anymore. but surely there was less to do in the 50s? if youre poor, theres never much to do really.

It doesn't help that you can do a lot more indoors now, and the indoors has gotten more addictive. So relative to that, there's even less you can do outdoors.

> but surely there was less to do in the 50s?

I think just being able to get together with a couple other kids means that, even lacking videogames or boardgames or whatever, means that the opportunities available abound. Kids are infinitely creative and very good at inventing games out of any situation you throw them into. Give them two sticks and a piece of string and they'll turn it into a game of "don't let the string hit the ground" or something.

But, alone, yes I agree there was far less to do.

In the 70s and 80s if you wanted to play video games you would go to an arcade and meet other kids there. Where are those arcades now? Or you might go to and hang out at a mall, but those are few and far in between now too.

The fact that adults don't have third places anymore affects kids just as much, maybe even more.

In the 50s the suburbs were new and inhabited mainly by families who also had kids. By the time I came around those people still lived in most houses and they were quite old in the neighborhood with few, if any families with kids my age. Quite a contrast to the stories I was told about my parents upbringing in the suburbs, where they could collect a dozen plus kids going door to door down the block.

Aside from the fact that drivers have been known to mount sidewalks (especially while sending a text), the real problem is intersections, and crossing said stroads. When there's 8 lanes of Dodge Rams, Chevy Silverados, and F-250's with hoods that are taller than your head you're putting a great deal of trust in the red lamp overhead to actually stop them from killing you.

I was at a conference in St Cloud, MN a few years ago, and I could see the Panda Express from my hotel. Took around 40 minutes to walk there because I couldn't get the timing right to frogger myself across the 6 lanes. Got stuck in the island in the middle for a good 15 minutes because the slip lane always had cars in it.