Hacker News Reader

Comment by wisty | Hacker News Reader

> A couple of quick suggestions later, and she went to being mad at me about not having heard the problem through before trying to fix it badly

Sounds like you're not the only one at fault lol.

Do you get mad at your wife if she offers suggestions before emotionally connecting? And would it still be too late even if she realises how "stupid she was"?

View on HN

Yes; well, I might not get "mad" at my wife, but I might emotionally disengage or feel like I lack closure were I to explain a situation to my wife and she responded with solutions before I even had the chance to finish.

It took me a long time to realize this. Actually, I've just now realized it clearly. Our emotional expression and the scenario may be a bit different, but it's fundamentally the same concept.

Part of the reason offering suggestions is 'wrong' is because it implies that they haven't tried to think of solutions to their problem. You are unwittingly implying that you are smarter than they are, even if that is not your intention.

Yeah. Step 1 is basically to say “damn, that sucks … what do you think you might do?” (or other clarifying questions).

If feel like only someone who is kind of dumb or insecure would think that ...

Smart people will even talk to a rubber duck to solve problems, because sometimes there's something obvious you missed.

You just labeled a large portion of humanity "dumb or insecure". Yay you.

Am I wrong? (Apparently hn eats unicode emoji ao I can't do the bowling ball and pins wmoji :( )

What’s the point of this? One only can control one’s self. Who cares if the other person was in the wrong too.

What is the point in replying to me then?

Maybe you should take action if you think someone else is in the wrong? You did.

So what? She isn't replying, and he* isn't talking about her faults. The story is about his introspection and self-correction.

*Assuming poster's gender.

OK but if a woman (assumed) was saying she was using flash cards to learn how to stop her disregulated husband from taking out his anger on her over his own dumb mistakes (my interpretation maybe but no is actually disagreeing) .... you wouldn't be questioning me calling it out.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com