I've played in bar bands (doing covers) for 12 years now. My current project is going on hiatus due to some members leaving and us having to find new ones. We played our last show very recently and were talking about how we have an actual fanbase that's grown through friends, spontaneous discovery, and social media primarily through my bandmates' doing. Before the show and between sets I'm always going out of my way to do something in service of the performance instead of talking to people in the crowd that are watching us.

It then occurred to me that a decent part of the reason that I perform live is a selfish one - on some level I'd rather demonstrate social utility by being a human jukebox than have to interact with people normally. Apparently I'd rather chug water and double-check the setlist after getting off stage than drink a beer and introduce myself to people. As ironic as it sounds there's a certain security to being on stage that insulates you from having to hang out with people while still scratching the itch to go out.

Maybe I'm psychologizing myself too much but it's a thought. Definitely something I'm going to work on regardless.