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What's better, CI thats built by monkeys or CI that's offline?

definitely the latter.

I agree with tpoacher.

A CI that's completely broken and not building anything cannot produce incorrect results.

If it's producing no result at all, you know it's broken, not simply incorrect.

Shame on Atlassian that during their last full bitbucket outage took an hour to even acknowledge an issue on their status page, then another full hour until the status page reflected the reality (that it was indeed a complete outage).

> Powered by Uptime Kuma

Uptime Kuma is really nice: https://github.com/louislam/uptime-kuma

Supports all sorts of alerts and can even tell you if it ever looks like your TLS certs will soon expire (if any automation is broken, or you use commercial certs with manual rotation).

Those made up status pages like AWS and Azure need to be signed up by a director so it doesn't hurt their pretty SLA.