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Comment by throwawaylaptop | Hacker News Reader

I have two friends that installed them to basically deter their wives from cheating at their house when they are away. You could argue it's to 'catch' but obviously they aren't even going to attempt it knowing the cameras are present.

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That's quite abusive behavior. I'm sorry for these wives, having to deal with this as it's probably not the only thing they have to endure. And how do the spouses "prove" they're not cheating when they're away - or is that not so important because they can choose to do whatever?

Can we stop labeling anything that makes someone 'unhappy' as abusive. Its not and i'm tired of pretending it is.

Installing cameras to control/monitor your spouse is definitely abusive behavior.

You cant CONTROL someone with observation, you can influence, but you can't control.

If this were true people would act a lot better in public, they do not.

Thank you. Words matter.

I notice most gfs these days resort to "why do I have to..." when upset. Which bothers me because I have never ever said someone MUST do anything.

There are many things a person should do. But almost nothing they actually have to do.

This is absolutely abusive behavior. Placing a camera to watch a partner so they don't do something is controlling and removes human agency.

That.is.abuse.

How about we stop letting abusers think that human beings are property meant to be controlled.

Are your cameras at work watching you abusive, is your macbook camera abusive, is your zoom calls abusive ?

Nobody controls anyone with an camera, this is no different than leaving a note to your kids "DONT EAT ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE".

Its the misuse of it that is abusive.

Vote down a all you want. Your anger shows your weakness.

partner installing cameras to try and catch them cheating? that’s creepy af, no wonder they’re cheating.

if they can’t leave their creepy partner for some reason, hopefully they look up how to bypass security cameras in an obvious way just to annoy the creepy guy.

If the wives want to cheat, won't they then just do it somewhere else? Or is that actually the point, they just don't want their memories of the house tainted, or to be traumatized by coming home to it?

> I have two friends that installed them to basically deter their wives from cheating at their house when they are away.

In some coutries, this will land them in jail.

The women cheating would land in jail?

Or the guy installing obvious cameras in his house that his wife knows about and agrees to have there?

i feel like there are a lot of things i could say but i'll leave it at "woof"

In regards to how often people cheat in marriage (the stats are a bit sad), or of someone using cameras to deter it from happening?

yes, and more! but my feelings on the situations you've described are off topic :)

By the time you decide to install cameras to deter your partner from cheating, your relationship is already way beyond fucked.

I also know people that installed gps trackers and audio listening devices in cars to verify cheating. Everyone that needed to verify for their own sanity did indeed find proof.

Fyi, this was amongst car salesman. But I can't say the 10%+ stat is too far off for other industries too.

> Everyone that needed to verify for their own sanity did indeed find proof.

i suspect in more than a few of those cases. their severe paranoia behavior actually led to the break which led directly to the cheating.

seriously, if you’re that paranoid, either seek individual/couples counseling or just end the relationship, something else is very very broken.

and if your partner is tracking you, run fast and run far, that person is not well.

Suspects cheating.

Finds evidence of cheating.

"Try not being so paranoid."

removing a bunch of the context of what i said does not somehow magically alter what i was expressing in my post.

that’s very bad faith, hn is better than that.

Oh are we not making bad faith arguments now?

> but obviously they aren't even going to attempt it knowing the cameras are present.

Attempt it at home. Ftfy.

EDIT: If an existing relationship isn't enough to "deter" cheating, nothing is. You might as well find a divorce attorney than put up cameras.

Obviously. Although it also adds fake excuses about location and time frames to the mix. The cameras also work to make a wife think twice about going out on Thursday night and telling her husband she's gone to sleep.

A friend, that never would have dreamt about using cameras like this, only found out his wife was cheating when she had a major car crash at 3am returning from her affair partners house. He was at a national lab where he works the night shift.

Why are all your friends in bad marriages? 2 who apparently need to monitor their wife's behavior 24/7, a third who's been cheated on. Or did the other 2 install cameras after finding out about the car crash? Either way, something's up homie. This ain't healthy.

I used to work in car sales, and now do construction saas sales and interact with the workers a lot. So 95% male coworkers/friends.

And since I'm in sales overall I have a lot of friends and I talk a lot. And I like to drink, and guys with relationship troubles are driven to drink and gravitate to me during that stage of their life.

And I'm single at 40, so I hear about a lot of relationship trouble because I'm easier to talk to than a married guy which doesn't exactly want to hear about cheating and failed relationships.

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