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Comment by konmok | Hacker News Reader

> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness.

I wish this were true, but its not even close. I wonder how your kids will react when they move away, and you're not around to police their emotional expression. If they're like me, they will promptly collapse into paralysis and self-destruction.

I strongly suggest that you frequently give your kids long stretches of time (months) to practice regulating themselves, without your interference.

And if they have anxiety or depression, please let them see a professional. If my parents had noticed the signs earlier, they would have saved me decades of pain.

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At this age I am teaching emotional regulation on a daily basis.

As for when they grow up, adults who cannot manage their emotions get fired or are sent to jail. It is critical to be slow to anger, quick to forgive, and work at building strong friendships.

You imply we aren't teaching emotional regulation on a daily basis? We have always placed a great deal of emphasis on talking about feelings and developing "tools for our toolboxes" to deal with them. Unfortunately those tools are largely inadequate when there isn't a rational cause for a debilitating emotional state.

People who have never experienced a particular challenge are quick to assume credit for its absence and assign moral failings to others who experience it. It's insufferable but common.

Imagine a millionaire who had millionaire parents lecturing his children on how they're not allowed to be poor. Lo! They're not! The lectures worked.

It sounds very much like you planted a seed with your "great deal of emphasis on talking about feelings."

It sounds like you're actually teaching your children to hide their emotions from you

They're welcome to share their emotions but poor behavior isn't acceptable. Anger is fine. Yelling isn't. We'll talk it though. Tonight i got yelled at 3 times for not helping. I asked why I got yelled at. "Because I was angry". The anger wasn't justified but real so we discussed. I got a hug shortly after. No discipline. Just patience.

We take the same approach! While I don't agree that depression is laziness, we do teach that feeling sorry for yourself is akin to laziness. When we're disappointed about things not going the way we wanted we're allowed to grump about it for 5 minutes, but then it's time to brush ourselves off and move on.

Anger seems to me to be one of the least understood emotions. In my opinion anger should be practised at every possible opportunity in order to cultivate as good as relationship to it as other emotions. Otherwise it will seem like it's out of your control due to not knowing its limits and how much of it you need due to it being suppressed. It is a necessary emotion for our wellbeing.

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