Forget self improvement
deliberatism.com
deliberatism.com
Yep, this works great for me. Because I'm never bored by what I love, never discouraged by what I love, never heedlessly irresponsible about what I love, never sick of what I love, never resentful of what I love, never scared to death of what I love. I'm never distracted by what I don't love, never seduced by what I don't love, never fooled by what I don't love. I'm never foolish in my love, never shallow in my love, never fickle in my love, never maturing or changing in my love. And of course I never, ever love more than one thing at a time.
Some act like this is a joke, saying: "Yea right, you still need a job to survive." Yes, you do need income to buy food and shelter. But the income doesn't even need to come from a job, and it certainly doesn't have to come from tasks you dislike.
If you hate your job, you are probably in the wrong career or working in the wrong field. If you really hate your job, people close to you know, and it affects them.
I'm debugging a double-free in a C library right now. I have basically no information to go on other than the failing test; ASAN/Valgrind was no help, and the liberal assertions sprinkled throughout the code aren't catching it. Many people would say that this is a pretty sucky task, but it is challenging and engrossing enough that I debated not writing this comment (I'll try and keep it short so I can return to my work soon ;-)).
That's why people usually use the metaphor of running. Running is hard work; it is hard on your joints, it is hard on your muscles, it gives you a hell of an aerobic workout and leaves you sweaty and out of breath afterwards. Yet many runners (not I) get a high from the process - not from having finished the race, nor from how fast they finished the race, but just from having run.
I think it's within the grasp of anybody. You just have to learn to enjoy the pain running (or any other workout) brings. It sounds perverted but it does help to approach exercise with such mindset.
Now, how to convince yourself to enjoy it, is an interesting question. For me, the realization that we (as animals) were meant to run much (if not most) of our waking day did wonders (the aha moment, if you will).
I think it's not good for humanity to be forced to things, because it prevents them from learning to love them. As an example everyone loves to read books unless they are for school. Everyone loves to read stuff on Wikipedia unless it's for university and everyone loves to solve puzzles unless it's to make money. Well, or you learn to carry over that love.
Seriously, I think all these "get people interested into math/science/engineering" things wouldn't be necessary if one of the first experiences wouldn't be to be forced to do it, forced to do lots of boring homework, to sit still in class listening to the teacher, preventing you from being outside.
I think the only reason I am into computer science is because I never really had it in school.
(And now I am studying CS and suddenly history and languages are interesting as hell)
If we all just gave up because we didn't enjoy shit initially, nothing we love would ever have happened.
PS. I'm obsessed with Self Improvement and I've grown a lot using those techniques.
Self improvement, learning, guitar skill - nobody, unless you're innately talented, is something anyone just "slips into" naturally because it "feels right and is easy" as this article suggests - making the most out of this pointless spec of time takes hard work, paying attention, taking risks, learning the hard way, but it's like, deferred gratification...being bored easily helps (otherwise we'd just devote our lives to the mundane shit children enjoy), it's a fantastical journey of discovery, and it's not necessarily easy to reach things that can reward us the most.
I've had essentially the same goals and dreams for over a decade, and still grow more deeply fascinated by the month. But I'm not getting any younger, old enough that I can no longer expect that things will naturally fall into place. That I too often find myself compulsively reading HN at 3pm and ahem navel-gazing at 3am, instead of "moving my feet" down the path of progress, is not due to a lack of love or inherent drive. Rather, its the steep learning curve against a background of distraction which disrupts "flow". Has for years.
I wish I hadn't thought so cynically of self-help when I was younger. But its only recently that I've found insightful any particular resources. "The Willpower Instinct" audiobook is readily available and highly recommended, and BJ Fogg's free program at tinyhabits.com complements it well. The lift.do app complements both (daily dont's can track your will-not-power). Also, the Pomodoro Technique is a good no-nonsense alternative to GTD and other complex productivity systems.
One last thing I read somewhere and keep in mind, was a study which showed that focusing on the positive outcomes of not doing [bad habit/thing] is more effective at changing behavior than fearing the anxiety and guilt felt after doing [bad habit/thing] (which was actually found to be counter-productive as a preventive technique).
It's 'programming' for me - I have spent countless hours doing it; sometimes it's frustrating and difficult, sometimes I suck at it - but the drive is always there so I keep doing it, and still enjoy it.
All things come with some level of challenge. Getting past such hurdles has a lot to do with how much you get out of the overall experience. Yes, hard work is required; and I'm no stranger to sticking with something. For more thoughts on this notion, read The Muck: http://www.deliberatism.com/editorial/the-muck/
I've done creative things for the better part of my life. This path has often been difficult. In spite of that, I find a strange pleasure in sitting down and putting pen to paper: be that in a drawing, something I'm writing, or in a new business idea.
I'm not doing these things to improve myself. I'm just interested in seeing what the next thing might lead to. As a result, even the toughest parts become more tolerable.
I think the author is asking us to take a step back and really consider why we have these aspirations. Is it only for status? If so, we're already at a disadvantage because there are people out there who enjoy the grind for that goal more than us.
For me, the trick is finding the goal that has the highest ROI and the least grind/friction. There is always going to be a certain amount of pain and discomfort in pursuing any goal, but it doesn't hurt to try to minimize it.
I don't like being meant to do anything, I choose what I work on and falling back to "well maybe I wasn't meant to" is using magical thinking and silly escapism to avoid a simple truth: You. Are. Lazy. And. Procrastinating.
Here's what I suggest to everyone who gets discouraged by some schlep work: Either find somebody else who will do it, or just get it over with, the sooner you are done with the enablers the sooner you can get to doing the things you love.
For instance: Most business owners find it tedious, boring and utterly painful to do accounting. But accounting is important. They don't say "Well maybe I wasn't meant to be a business owner", no, they hire a bloody accountant.
However, simply "doing what you love" ignores the reality that our level of interest and passion waxes and wanes, and sometimes willpower is needed to pull us through those times where we're waiting for our feelings to "catch up" with what our mind knows to be true (that we really do love something). I've been a runner for two decades now and genuinely love the pleasure of an intense puke-worthy workout, but some days running doesn't immediately fall under the category of "doing what I love", until I coax myself to get out there and take a few steps.
He does touch on another great point, which is man's want for eternal significance - that desire to be known long after he is dead. It often does manifest itself as an increasing incline on the treadmill of "achievement".
That's something I've never understood. What does it matter whether you're known after you're dead? You'd never know anyway since you're dead, and you couldn't derive any benefit from it since you're dead!
What if the things you are good at are not the things you love? What about the opposite? It is too complex to boil down to 'do what you love'.
Andre Agassi is one of the most interesting people, though.
Most people on earth are not defined by their jobs. They work because they have to. So he could be doing it for the money. Or the girls. Or the publicity. Or the lifestyle. Or the travel. He doesn't have to do it for the sport itself.
The "do something you love and you don't have to work a day in your life" is feel-good BS for relatively affluent or generally lucky in their life path people.
In any case, it only applies to "likable" jobs: a pilot, a manager, a doctor, an artist, a chef, a journalist, a teacher, a programmer etc. E.g jobs that a lot of people CAN find interesting and fulfilling.
But most of the world goes round by the non-likable jobs. Maybe some people like those jobs too --but they are bizarro outliers. The vast majority of people doing them do not like them.
E.g I don't think many people "love" flipping burgers at a McDonalds, washing dishes, or working 16 hour shifts in a mine, or cleaning the streets from garbage. But they do because they have to --until something better comes along. And a lot of them have kids and such dependent on them, they cannot leave it all behind and go chase some Hollywood dream or whatever.
"Benoît Assou-Ekotto: 'I play for the money. Football's not my passion'"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/may/01/benoit-assou-...
"The footballers that don't really like football"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2007/apr/25/theknowledge....
"... [Cho Chikun] was asked by a Dutch reporter why he loved Go so much. Cho replied 'I hate Go'. He continued saying that it was too tiring and tense for him. This led to his habit of ruffling his hair or constantly moving about." -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cho_Chikun
There's a glimpse of this in "The Master of Go". The author indicates there are different kinds of Go players—one kind, like Go Seigen, a light, bold, self-assured type that play every move as if they have perfect knowledge that it's the best one possible; the other being a dark type that always seem ill at ease, uncomfortable, questioning every move they make and pouring over their decisions for hours afterwards, like Minoru Kitani and current prodigy Cho Chikun. Strangely, the book brings up this dichotomy and never really classifies the main character, Honinbo Shusai, into one or the other category, mainly implying that he is somehow glacially slow, relentless and insatiable at the same time. Good book.
If the author can't be bothered, why should you? I realize 99% of blog posts are half-baked throwaway propositions like this one but that doesn't mean we have to validate them with serious rebuttals.
Find something you like to do, even if you don't feel like you're naturally good at it. Don't worry about being good at it, just make sure it continues to make you happy and eventually you'll realize that you're better than most.
"She just won a gold medal in the Olympics? Oh, it wasn't hard for her, she loves to do it. If only I could just find the thing I really love, I could get up off this couch and really make something of myself, you know?"
Yeah, I'm sure.
At an old job, I used to deal with a co-worker who'd complain continuously about the work they had to do. I figured they were trying to, in an odd way, impress us ("Oh, X hates their job - it must be really difficult"). I really do think some people would benefit from recognising that it's possible to achieve great things while also finding some form of enjoyment in the work involved.
And I honestly don't think the Olympian cares what the viewer on the couch thinks!
Perhaps the lesson isn't "Find what you love", but rather, "Decide what's worth loving and force yourself to grind your teeth and power through no matter what". Summoning the grit to power through and do what you love even when it sucks is what separates the marathoner from the runner that never steps up to the start line.
I really respect your approach to running. You sound like someone who likes to get your times down, ya? I bet you're fast. Good on you.
But I just want to throw out there that there are lots of kinds of runners. I, for one, do NOT run when I'm burnt out, or have other things I want to be doing. I run when my body says "mmm... let's go for a run!" I run to get closer in tune with my body, and to get better at listening to myself. And when I'm out on the road or the trail, I don't push myself, I just listen. I get into a groove, and I see how far my body can take me.
I'm never going to be fast, and that's OK with me. That's what being a runner means to me. I think we all have different reasons for why we get out and do stuff.
What I want to say is that loving something is hard work and usually the initial period is the hardest. If you don't grind your teeth to overcome this, you will never find what you love.
"Self-help books and workshops arm us with ways to trick ourselves into doing things we perhaps should, but generally don’t want, to do."
That seems like quite a generalization. I get that it's hard to create a catchy title without making some form of generalization, but... really? I guess the author is talking about workshops like "How to write and sell your awesome novel in 7 days", but what comes to my mind when hearing "self-improvement" is something like the 7 habits. I hardly saw the latter as an attempt to trick myself into doing things I don't want to do.
It's rather easy to fool yourself into thinking that you want to do what you're currently doing, or the thing that you've already sunk time and effort into. It's rather easy to fool yourself into thinking you want to be a great writer, when actually you just want to have people respect you.
A bit of time spend honestly examining whether there's a path you'd rather your life was taking is rarely wasted - not least because if you conclude that you're on the right track, it's a good way to quiet nagging doubts.
OTOH, as dkarl says, we don't always feel the same way about what we love, either, and that's worth remembering too.
First, self improvement is a broad area that covers many topics. How can the author discuss one topic, make a vague claim, and then dismiss the whole area?
Second, things in life are rarely black and white. Saying 'forget self improvement' is like saying 'self improvement is the most important thing in the world'. Both stick to one end of the spectrum. What is right probably lies somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, and changes depending upon the person.
damned if this isn't the mantra of pretty much every self-help/self-improvement guru out there. And in writing this, the article basically goes back on its own premise.
If this one thing is your deliberate decision and goal then forget about emotions. Just do it.