You don't. What you see is caches, lots of caches. Huge vector register files. Massive TLBs.
Get real - learn something about modern chips and stop fighting 1980s battles.
Even the functional units are relatively cheap.
The sad thing is that nobody is going to buy these chips aside from niche products. You won't see them run a desktop or a smartphone, because if a CPU doesn't have a C compiler or a Javascript JIT "out of the box" so to speak, it has no hope to enter mass market products.
Even Java had no chance. Some older ARM CPUs used to support for "Java bytecode execution" [3] but it never saw adoption.
Your comment makes me think that there is some truth in TFA's title: a trait of many mental illnesses is that the person is not aware they have it - the Stockholm syndrome is probably not a mental illness, though. See what you are doing: "gatekeep" alternatives that don't play by the rules of the dominant architectures ("pipelined, superscalar SIMD RISC design").
[1] https://millcomputing.com/
[2] Website currently has a certificate problem. IIRC, GA144 is a 144 cores asynchronous CPU. The cores' ISA is based on the primitives of the Forth language: next to no registers, instruction manipulating data on a data stack instead, separate from the call/return stack.