This is an insight I always want to explore more. I believe that virtue signalling neoliberalism (the dominant ideology regardless of political party in all western democracies - basically, capitalism good) has done tremendous harm by wearing the clothes of various unselfish ideologies while being incredibly selfish.
I agree with you, it's disgustingly condescending for a society to wag its finger at you and preach that you should be kind to one another while it turns around and sends its cops to harass you in your neighborhood, or to take from you taxes and give you little in return and instead spend it bombing people you don't know, or enforces upon you what work you are or aren't allowed to do or when.
What I wonder at is the failure of people who actually ascribe to unselfish value systems to prevent this false form from speaking for them and becoming the true form in the eyes of everyone. No wonder you find it inherently contradictory!
I wonder how those of us that actually ascribe to unselfish value systems might recover our ideologies from this libel.