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Comment by supriyo-biswas | Hacker News Reader

I disagree that being interested in the life updates of someone as being equivalent to a voyeur.

There are people who fade out of one’s lives for various reasons, but it doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end at that. There are many schoolmates, coworkers, etc. who I wish l I had some idea where they were now, which I don’t have right now because of my general avoidance of social media.

This is just a way of keeping on the pulse and generating common context if said pair were to meet again, instead of simply awkwardly smiling and trying to end a conversation as soon as possible.

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Reading someone’s life updates and watching their videos is not keeping up a connection though. It’s a parasocial relationship that makes us feel like there is a connection whereas an actual connection would require interaction between people. As you rightly noted, one of the main outcomes of the parasocial relationship is that it replaces real life interactions - you no longer have to ask people questions about their lives or figure out how to make conversation when you do see them; you can just reference their social media posts.

Yes, getting to know someone used to be a gradual process. During the time window when public posting about frankly quite private moments of life was common (Facebook ~2010s), it was weird how much you would see of a person upfront. You saw surprising overlapping acquaintances, prior vacations, party photos, hobbies etc... See photos of your teachers or profs with their spouse etc. I don't think it's normal. It was a weird phase.

But if I had the possibility of being updated in someone’s life, or even just having a contact option, would help me evaluating if this relation is worth being kept or refreshed or terminated.

Example: I was an employee with my first fulltime job for nearly ten years. After I quit the job I instantly lost contact to all people. I would have needed to actually go the company building to chat with them (or calling at work), which I didn’t because it was Covid time. But on XING (LinkedIn-like platform for Germany) one former colleague left his private phone number for me, and I messaged him (after some years, because I was in a depressive phase), and now we meet every two or three months.

So it’s not about voyerism for me but keeping contact or at least give me some hints if any relation might be worth pursuing. I don’t want (or need) people in my list just for being a watcher of their life.

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