Three years later, I was laid off, and the technology I got the certification in is largely obsolete, or at least, difficult to break back into without experience in the new stuff. Meanwhile, the other company I got the offer from has not laid anyone off, and has seemingly migrated all their employees to different stacks. To rub salt in that wound, the former colleagues still work there.
Lesson painfully learned: switch jobs when the opportunity presents itself. Not a week goes by where I don't metaphorically kick myself for not doing so.
Nowadays, I work in ewaste recycling.[0] It doesn't pay anywhere near what I was getting, but I figure it's a much better use of my skills than stocking shelves or washing dishes. Instead of dicking around with a laptop all day, I can dick around with a hundred laptops all day.