I appreciate that you said this, but if I deserve any sympathy at all, it should actually go to the cat. My ex and her mom moved away, and my ex gave the cat to a neighbor, but I felt that I failed myself, my ex, my ex’s mom, the cat, and my folks. I did not handle the situation as well as I needed to to avoid this. It was preventable, and once the situation started to turn, I should have spoken with law enforcement instead of anything else. I just didn’t want to be responsible for dropping a dime on the other person, even though that wasn’t my intention, and even though they likely deserve whatever they would have gotten if I had.
I could have found another better way. I was a fool and I was not found guilty, but I was surely tested in the moment, and I am not satisfied with the outcome or my contribution to the interaction. These charges are a millstone on my record all the same. I can only be a warning to others:
I was right to care about the cat and my legally owned firearm, because I needed to remove it from the premises, and I did so later with assistance from law enforcement when picking up my vehicle from their place. At least they didn’t tow my car. Everything else was optional, as the relationship was essentially over at that point. I was not able to communicate freely due to the unknown unknown that I was being cheated on in that very moment, and I should have deferred to law enforcement sooner than when I was assaulted.
Ironically, I was just getting over Covid and didn’t feel 100%, and that was the stated reason for my ex isolating at their mom’s place to begin with.
I think my ex just was not happy in the relationship because they had not had great relationships generally, but quite the opposite.
They had dated a member of the Suicide Boys in Atlanta, made beats for them, was denied credit on them upon publication, violating her rights as an artist, and they got her hooked on Xanax by controlling her access to her own legitimate prescription she had a legitimate need for. Then they just showed her the door when she tried to protest. A different man had tried to SA her, and she had to literally stab that guy in the thigh. She had baggage, and she isn’t wrong for not wanting to be with me, just for lying about going behind my back. Her trust issues were not my fault, but I wasn’t able to be what she needed or wanted, and I couldn’t be what I needed or wanted either, because I was forced into a position of authority over her medications due to her history of issues with meds that were not of her own design. I was trying to have a relationship with someone who had no business being in one, but I did genuinely care for them.
Manipulative men broke her down long before I met her. By staying when I should have gone, I was unequally yoked to someone who depended on me, and I was not able to be the man she needed me to be, because I am not a mental health and substance abuse professional. I did what I could, but I’m not trained for this shit. She needed a doctor or a psychiatrist, or both.
She didn’t need me, but we were people who saw the best in each other. Her actions were not kind, but I don’t blame her, because she didn’t choose to be abused by others. It’s different for women, and I didn’t know that in until I saw how folks treated her. She brought out the best in me, but it wasn’t enough. Love isn’t enough.
She was a victim in all of this as surely as the cat. I was not a victim of anything but circumstance.
I thought I was doing my ex a kindness by not asking for help from authorities, but I actually did myself a disservice.
I can only learn from the experience, as some things you don’t know til you go. I was right, but I was nearly dead right.