You're right, we see everyone else's fences perfectly while blind to our own.

Here's what helped me most, when I hit a painful thought, I try to think about it as, "What are you protecting me from?"

Usually it's something that happened once, often years ago. Next time you feel that electric fence, just notice it. Then take one tiny step towards it (Joe Hudson talks about this as emotional fluency). The fence will beep (your emotions). You'll feel the old pain. But nothing actually happens. And slowly, slowly, you realize you're actually free.