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There's no reason I need to cross the event horizon at C. I can cross the horizon as slow as I want. Particularly at the event horizon of an ultra massive black hole, gravitational acceleration can be as low as a couple G, easily defeated right up until the horizon is crossed.

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I'm not sure how that's relevant. You're saying that below the event horizon you can't lift your hand above your head faster than your head is moving towards the singularity. But that's only true of your hand and your head in relation to their position and 'velocity' in global coordinates, which is not 1m/s.

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