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Comment by mock-possum | Hacker News Reader

That… sounds kind of fucked up.

You’re saying you have an unpaid secretary?

Surely there’s a better way you could present this?

I see no need to sugar coat it when it's my reality and there's no labor disputes. If you want to be outraged by what works in my relationship have at it, meanwhile we'll continue our 20 years and counting... but if it makes you feel better, I fully realize it's self-deprecating and I'm basically a Homer Simpson of an oaf. I'd invite you to consider that some women/wives actually enjoy traditional home-making and more traditional roles which we have followed as it comes natural to us based our similar values. While you're at it, you should consider that I have a pretty high stress job and she doesn't. I also make about 8x what she makes and while she chooses to work, she's the one with the bandwidth for maintaining the house/kid's schedule. Need I continue?

I think @mock-possum was responding negatively to the tone of your post, not the content of it. The division of labor within your relationship is nobody's business but your own. If it works for you and your partner, nobody has a right to question it. However, when you say this:

> At work, I use my calendar. At home, I have a wife.

Then you're talking about your partner as if they were an appliance of piece of software rather than a person. You're objectifying them, even if in jest. This is the sort of language that makes many people feel unwelcome on HN.

To be clear, I don't believe you meant for your remark to be malicious! I just wanted to point out why it might make some people feel like outsiders in this community.

There was no tone. It was just concise. The problem is people online read things so literally they'd rather take offense than consider they're reading it wrongly. Such a lack of critical thinking in a world that is so heavily text based, lacking in context of body language and actual tone.

> This is the sort of language that makes many people feel unwelcome on HN

Really? How do you navigate as a functional person IRL if your sensibilities are so easily disrupted? I feel like if that's the case, you need to work on yourself first. Expecting the world to alter their stance and sugarcoat every word or POV is insanity. You're literally living life in hard mode by choice. I'm not a big fan of appeasing fragile people, I'm sure this is a generational thing but here's the thing, that cohort is going to live a majority of their life alongside my cohort and they're choosing to bring friction into the mix.

I think HN is a place for adults to talk maturely and generally "we" read past this stuff. Places like Reddit are places for kids (or immature adults) to talk, they would gladly turn the entire conversation into a dissection of word choice based on whatever is trending in the offends-me-today cult. This is a what keeps HN community, and our discourse, high quality.

You're being unfairly combative. I was supplying a different perspective you may not have considered, and you assumed it was a personal attack. It wasn't.

I don't think this will be a productive conversation. Let's just agree we feel differently about how words affect people and move on.

Didn't mean it that way, I knew you were not attacking me and I understood you were mediating perspectives and not really advocating for any. My response wasn't targeted at you just the generalities being discussed. But you're right that I just really do not like that the world in general has decided to grovel for the approval of the lowest common denominator. I shouldn't have to mince my words to that degree. I was just expressing how I feel like someone being affect in the way the GP was, amounts to a lack of reading comprehension if they read into my comment the way they did.

I'll never understand how someone gets offended by other people's working relationship

This type of edgy Gen-Z sarcasm is turning HN into Reddit. Please don't bring it here.

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