The Introvert's Networking Survival Guide: Large Events | Hacker News Reader

The Introvert's Networking Survival Guide: Large Events

samuelmullen.com

82 pointssamullen14 comments

I was at the Apps for Detroit meetup on June 28, this year. I'm a loner, so my overriding instinct was to be a wall flower. I overcame that by giving myself a task. I tried to memorize the names of everyone in the room.

I went to each person, introduced myself, and told that person that I was memorizing the names of everyone at that meetup. I learned that person's name, what that person did, and, sometimes, some other biographical information. Then, I pointed out the other people whom I had met, giving their names. I repeated this for each person in the meeting.

I learned the names of the majority of the people at Apps for Detroit. Everyone I met was impressed. By now, of course, all of those names are gone. Nevertheless, I'll keep trying it at all of the meetings which I attend.

The lesson behind my goal is this: If you're a loner or other kind of introvert, your natural predilection is to be a wallflower. Therefore, you must have an explicit task when attending any social function. That task must force you to talk to everyone or nearly everyone in the room and make them remember you.

Unless you're OK with being a wallflower. Of course then you have to ask, why go to a meetup?

This is what I've struggled with recently.

To force yourself to reach out, to me, implies that there's something wrong with being an introvert (or wallflower).

I don't like the idea of admitting that such a natural state of being is in any way abnormal or wrong.

It always seems like introverts don't mind being in a world of extroverts, they just find methods to cope. Extroverts, though, seem to view introverts as "weird" or "shy", somehow incomplete shells of a person. At least, that's my experience.

I never see someone trying to make an extrovert more introverted; but I consistently see the opposite.

To answer your question: I do like to reach out, but for different reasons. It seems extroverts want to reach out for the sake of making contact. -- They're OK with just having drinks, games, making small talk, etc.

As an introvert, I'd rather go to get some mental engagement. I'd go because there's something I can learn from the meetup or it's a meetup surrounding an interesting activity.

It's not about being with people. -- It's about what those people represent [cultures, ideas, insight, knowledge].

There's nothing wrong with being introverted. That doesn't mean that it doesn't have costs.

Trying very hard to be something you're not also has costs.

True, but no-one is expecting it to be 24/7. I think you just have to exert a different set of skills for a limited time period.

When you're alone and coding, you exert your powers of concentration and focus.

When you're in a social situation, be social.

I'd call myself an introvert, but I can certainly charm and interact with the best of them. I just need some quiet time afterwards to recover :-)

I don't know. I sometimes see people trying to make extroverts more introverted. EG sighing, eye-rolling etc when they try to dominate meetings. :-)

To see what people are up to.

The list of questions at the end are gold.

One trick that works for me is to see if there's some way I can help the event -- this works better for smaller ones -- get involved ahead of it a little. That way, when you get there, there's usually a few people who are looking to talk to you (the organizers), and they would introduce you to your targets if you ask.

This is great advice 0 I'm an introvert that has had to learn to go to networking events - in addition to what the OP describes, one thing I have learned is that a good way to make small talk with someone is to show a genuine interest in something they do. People like to talk about themselves and the things they are passionate about, and it's a good way to connect with them (you may find that you share an interest). Those are the conversations people remember positively. Conversely, people don't usually like listening to you talk about yourself, so keep the discussion about yourself to a minimum unless asked. Better to be the asker than the teller - you'll make a much better impression.

I loved this article

I am an introvert and I have been fighting this for a very long time. Recently I started my own meetup groups to push myself into meeting new people and hopefully helping me become a little more social.

Thanks, Michael. I'm doing the same thing; starting a Freelancers group here in Kansas City.

I went to a workshop on a non-tech subject (a class on parenting styles offered by the Inv Bank I was working for. We were expecting our first child).

Anyway, we were asked to do some cut down myers-briggs or something personality chart and discuss our personality type with the person sitting next to us.

Me: Mine says I'm an introvert.

Neighbour: Me too.

end of conversation

Good stuff. Another article on the same topic: http://www.job-buddy.com/advice/view/ahBzfmpvYi1idWRkeTItaHJ...

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