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There are still a few left. For example, https://www.hp.com/us-en/workstations/zbook-fury.html and https://www.fujitsu.com/ph/products/computing/pc/ap/notebook....

Oh boy, I feel you, having no buttons is such a PITA. I've mapped my caps lock and windows button to LMB and RMB for years, works like a charm!

I hate touchpads as a whole.

When did we stop doing laptop trackballs? (I know, I know, the last laptop with a trackball is able to legally drink by now)

The MNT reform has a trackball option: https://mntre.com/index.html

Does anyone even make a laptop that's thick enough to have room for a usefully-sized trackball in there any more?

That is defeatist thinking!

laptop with flip-out legs to keep it high enough off the ground for the trackball to work despite half the ball having to come out of the bottom of the case

bonus side effect: if someone spills a drink across the coffee shop table you don't have to try and grab it before the liquid spreads to beneath it