A criminal enterprise run by monkeys | Hacker News Reader

A criminal enterprise run by monkeys

wsj.com

47 pointsmathattack30 comments

Gift link: https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/monkeys-thieves-bali-temple-0b...

I saw the title, got ready to post about my own criminal monkey misadventures, and realized it's the same place (Uluwatu Temple). However, the story underplays an important element: it's actually a triangular syndicate of crime, and humans are very much part of the picture.

First, the monkey steals something of value from a tourist and (the missing bit) they run inside the temple buildings, which are off-limits to tourists.

Second, a friendly temple priest or caretaker (the mentioned "monkey handlers"), who is allowed inside, fences the loot by exchanging it for something a monkey values, like a tasty banana.

Third, the relieved tourist gets their belongings back and generously tips the caretaker.

Do you think WSJ is doing this deliberately? Leaving out the part about how it's actually humans behind it. I've heard of this a long time ago, but I see this is a new story. Probably a hundred generations of monkeys have learned this behavior and they don't need any training or handling at this point!

It would not surprise me if WSJ leave this out to avoid painting white tourists as victims.

Or brown locals as complicit.

Ah yes, the infamously woke Wall Street Journal, bastion of leftwing propaganda since time immemorial.

Yup, that seems to pretty much sum up Trump's view of it.

https://www.rawstory.com/trump-wsj-2673800159/

Seems like an example of “monkey see monkey do”.

Literally!

Young monkeys observe older monkeys doing all this and that’s how the young monkeys learn to do this and it continues across generations.

As noted in the comments of the WSJ article, the monkeys have allegedly been trained by their human handlers to engage in this behavior. It is to promote the sales of the local food vendors at all costs. It is a criminal enterprise, but the criminals are still humans.

Don't forget how closely related we are. Not as close as to the murderous bastards known as chimpanzees, but close enough.

Reminds me of my visit on Gibraltar: monkeys jumping on cars, or stealing purses

I thought it was going to be about Sony, Bethesda, or a credit card company.

I wonder if they can serve drinks.

Deliver packages?

Sure, why not?

  Monkey helpers are trained to assist with tasks such as:

    Retrieving dropped objects such as cell phones or remote controls
    Opening bottles and inserting straws
    Turning on buttons/switches for remotes, phones, and computers
    Repositioning limbs on a wheelchair after a muscle spasm to prevent sores and other injuries
    Turning pages and scratching itches

https://www.sunrisemedical.com/livequickie/blog/september-20...

> A photograph taken by one of the thieves themselves.

uh oh

Right! You’re talking shit! PLAY A RECORD!

I get that reference. And I applaud it.

“oooOOOhhh, chimpanzee that! Monkey News, ya fff…”

The amount of ideas Karl had that have since come to fruition is quite remarkable

he's no dummy, that's for sure.

https://archive.is/8q1Z8

Mind that the original article has some videos which aren't archived.

> The criminal enterprise run by monkeys

The US government?

That would be closer to a banana republic of monkeys, run by monkeys, for the monkeys.

There need to be swift, severe penalties for these generational crime families. They can't speak, all they understand is violence and ransom, so we must "speak" the only language that they also understand.

Under section 3.5.6.dx of the primate penal code.

As an outraged banana plutocrat, I wholeheartedly agree!

Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you.

Haha based!!

It's about time we stop supplying them with sources of dietary fiber and force them to cultivate some moral fiber instead.

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