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Could it be that your needs would be covered by XMPP? You can run that on a RPi in a shoebox.

Probably, yeah, though I'm not familiar with the ecosystem yet. It seems like ejabberd is written in erlang, which is promising.

> I'm not familiar with the ecosystem yet. It seems like ejabberd is written in erlang

I highly recommend ejabberd: it's one of the easiest server software I ever had to sysadmin. It's rock-solid and never gets in your way. It also packs everything you need for modern instant messaging and audio/video calls. Install it, open few firewall ports, define some DNS SRV records, and you are good to go.

> which is promising.

I mean, ejabberd is what WhatsApp and FB Messenger started from :-)

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