To be somewhat fair, most of what this is poking fun at is the parsing of strings that do not remotely resemble actual dates. It's very edge case behaviour. Yes, it'd be nice if the edge cases did something more predictable, like all just fail with an error, but unless you're doing something silly like passing whatever a user writes straight into Date.parse() it isn't going to matter.

Realistically, you're going to use an actual date library, because even the good bits of Date are pretty bad.