You obviously have ADHD, go and get on stims, it will likely help you. Or there may be some other issue. Or you may indeed be this way forever. Just go and try to change something in the brain for once.
Stop coping unless you want to cope until the end.
I already got tested for it by multiple different professionals, they seem to think I don't have it. And people with adhd are everywhere in the tech industry, it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.
I have tried strattera, vyvanse, and some other meds i can't even remember, none worked and only made me more suicidal
I don't see any hope for me.I have no capacity to work hard, learn technical shit, love people, sense of responsibility, anything. I just wanna go, but I need money before I end it
The tests for ADHD and some variations of depression are leaky, erroneous shit. Just get the drugs (Adderall xr, Wellbutrin) and see if these help.
You say you tried some NDRI spectrum drugs, this probably means you have some rare type of depression or schizo spectrum disorder, or something else entirely.
If your parents truly care about you they will find you a decent doctor that will diagnose it.
>it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.
You seem not to be wired to get intrinsic motivation from coding, idk.
... You seem to have intrinsic motivation to write longish texts though, unironically.