Hacker News Reader

Comment by vitaflo | Hacker News Reader

From talking to many parents they want to give them activities so their kids aren’t bored or sitting inside on their phones all day. Sports is one of those things and lets them also be with other kids.

The problem is kids being bored can be a good thing but they are never allowed to be. When I was a kid the internet didn’t even exist let alone cell phones and the only rule was “be home before sundown”. Kids now have way too many distractions and structure and are never given the ability to explore their own world on their own. It’s been manufactured for them.

View on HN

    > When I was a kid the internet didn’t even exist let alone cell phones

I grew up before the Internet. Boring kids just watched endless garbage cable TV before the Internet. I'm not sure which is worse; maybe neither; they are each bad in their own way.

And then, when the kid finally has a few minutes of downtime, of course they're utterly drained and just looking for quick easy entertainment, and flick through a few videos on tiktok or YT shorts, with no time for discovering and indulging in deeper interests.

I can't stress this enough to new or soon to be parents.

Hold off on giving your child a phone as long as possible. Once your kids are old enough (your choice...but it's before they are teens), send them outside, shut the door, and go about your business.

Tell them to come back for lunch. Then send them outside again and tell them to come back for dinner.

I mean this in all sincerity. Don't plan their day for them. Make them go out and plan their day on the fly. Friend's house a mile away? Walk over and see if they can come out and play. Not home? Oh well, walk back or head to a different friend's house. There is value in this friction.

Don't be the person who gives your child a frictionless youth. The hard way is the best way.

I agree with this sentiment, but there have been cases of families who have had CPS called on them for letting their kids walk home alone from a nearby park [1]. It's frustrating to know that neighbors, schools, or authorities might interpret normal childhood independence as neglect and report parents to authorities.

[1] https://archive.ph/ZISnH

Sure, there will always be edge cases. That's just how the world works.

Let your kids go out and ride bikes and you may end up with one getting hit by a car. Those are the risks every parent has to manage.

But if we let the edge cases dictate how we raise our kids, we end up with what we don't want - overly managed bubble-youth kids who can't think for themselves.

Unless you have some compelling evidence to the contrary, this cannot be dismissed as "edge cases" when cultural norms have changed across the board and all it takes is one complaint...

It is possible. But take a risk! Don't fall into the trap of allowing your children to be scared of everything like you are.

Pre-teen walking to a friend's house a mile away, probably semi-frequently?

Is that a risk or a near certainty?

Looking for online guidelines, I find this:

> According to an American Academy of Pediatrics survey of social workers that was posted in Science Daily, children under 12 years old should not be left alone for more than four hours. The social workers who were surveyed also concluded that child neglect will likely be considered when children are injured during that time period. --- https://www.tedbakerlaw.com/child-unsupervised-neglect/

A scraped knee might be injury enough.

It’s different now if the other kids aren’t also outside.

Yes, that can be a problem for sure. It's incredible how few kids I see outside these days where we live. It's even worse if their friends are all on devices all day and your kids are hearing about that. Parenting is hard.

cultural norms in the US have shifted so much that this becomes impractical. The parents of the friend you just went to are not expecting that behavior.

You can give your child a phone with limits so they call you and their friends so that they can more easily meet up. Just because they have a phone does not mean they have to have TikTok on it.

>The problem is kids being bored can be a good thing but they are never allowed to be

It's not like they'd have a chance to get creatively bored without the (physical) activities. Instead, if they're like most teens, they'd dopamine-junkie rot with their smartphone or game console.

exactly that’s how I describe it as well, this world is highly manufactured. If you opt out you are mostly alone so this also serves as a kind of social circle

If you let kids today "explore their own world" they'll just end up glued to phones.

Not if you limit their screen time and have reasonable limits on extracurriculars.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com