I'd love to hear stories of what it's like to work with chips from these companies.
If you're working at one of the big companies (e.g. Microsoft), they'll give you access to the documentation and source code that should be open for everyone, but even then you're going to spend time reverse engineering your own documentation because trying to get details from them is a months long process of no one being willing to say yes. It's painful. Best to stay away unless you have no other alternatives.
For larger volumes, ~100,000 you get to talk to a distributor yourself and design your own pcb. You still won't get to talk to anyone at BigSemiCo, but you will get access to datasheets and (probably) drivers. You will have to sign an NDA.
For their largest customers, they go all out. The customer gets significant input into the design roadmap years in advance. They can get cost-reduced versions of existing parts that leave off blocks they aren't using. reference board designs and example software are provided (to the extent that low-margin, enormous volume customers sometimes just change the html logo and ship). If the product needs integrating, Field Engineers will be flown out to assist.
There are some levels between these last two, where they will talk to you but not invest as much.
Take the above numbers with a pinch of salt; it's been a while since I was in that industry
When I first started the project in 2012-13, Vitesse was just as NDA-happy and I ruled them out. The original roadmap called for a 24-port switch with 24 individual TI DP83867 SGMII PHYs on three 8-port line cards.
I poked at a vsc73xx-based switch in the past and wrote my own test firmware, but had problems with packet loss since I didn't do all the necessary phy initializations I guess, in case this might be of interest: https://github.com/ranma/openvsc73xx/blob/master/example/pay...
Also on the device I had the EEPROM was tiny and the code is loaded from EEPROM into RAM, you were pretty much stuck with 8051 assembly that had to fit into the 8KiB of onchip RAM :)