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Comment by SCAQTony | Hacker News Reader

When I read posts like this, or watch introverts doing comedy skits about their introversion, such as KallMeKris saying she needs 10 days in advance just to schedule a phone call. As an extrovert, I don't want to inflict angst upon an introvert just by striking up a conversation or inviting them to lunch. I cut off two "friends" who were introverts, and I don't think they noticed. Human kind is a social animal that expects reciprocation and teamwork.

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Inviting an introvert to lunch with you is likely fine and would be appreciated.

Inviting an introvert to a group lunch with six other people would likely cause angst.

And yes, the introvert probably didn't notice. They probably don't often think about you either.

I get this. It sounds superficially like you're doing something wrong, but if you "cut someone off" by just not inviting them to stuff and then they either don't notice or don't make any attempt to reconnect with you, it means you were doing 100% of the work in the relationship. You've been putting in effort to drag them along to events they don't show any indication of enjoying, when they won't reciprocate in any way or ever make the first move, and that can be emotionally draining.

I'm not particularly extroverted and being organised doesn't come naturally to me either, so this type of thing is even more of a nuisance. I'm putting in effort to set up fun things to do using calendars and spreadsheets and research, I'm making notes about interests and mutual friends, and the other person can't even set up a two month calendar event then write "Hey, let's get coffee"?

I cut these two off because I felt I was bothering them.

> As an extrovert, I don't want to inflict angst upon an introvert

> Human kind is a social animal that expects reciprocation

Sounds to me like you did it for yourself, after all.

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