Dull Men’s Club

> But after my kids were born I noticed something: my kids loved my voice, they listened to every sentence I made, they laughed at my quirky jokes I made and they loved when I sang to them or I brought them to the park or to the nursery and when I sat them on my neck. My wife took all that from me though, so now I need to fight to get my kids back.

> But the moral of the story is: dullness is a matter of perspective.

Meh. Kids (or dogs) don't know better, they are just little love machines with literally 0 knowledge outside of you. That doesn't mean that dullness is a perspective, or they wouldn't benefit from it if you were just smarter, better, more interesting.

I think this story sounds familiar to a lot of us, especially as men who likely spend less time on social media comparing and FOMOing. Let's hope you get your kids back too and somebody new will get enchanted by your "boring" voice.

I obviously don't know anything about you beyond this comment but you chose to include a mention of your divorce, so I think it's not overstepping to try to connect these themes. To be blunt, could it be that being less dull would have improved the longevity of the marriage?

> I don't have interesting hobbies, I am not an influencer, I don't post interesting posts on social media and I don't travel a lot, I don't do extreme things, I barely have any money at the moment, I bore others, in fact when I try to amuse my colleagues or the opposite sex, my jokes regularly fall flat and even my voice is dull I believe.

That's everyday life for the vast majority of people, we got tricked by smoke and mirrors on social media into thinking life has to be something it isn't, most of what you see there is fake in part or in whole. People should just enjoy what they have/are instead of burning out running after made up things other people pretend to be doing to be happy

> But after my kids were born I noticed something: my kids loved my voice, they listened to every sentence I made, they laughed at my quirky jokes I made and they loved when I sang to them or I brought them to the park or to the nursery and when I sat them on my neck. My wife took all that from me though, so now I need to fight to get my kids back.

You call yourself dull, but this short comment revealed the opposite picture. Kids are a lot more authentic than adults. Clearly they found a lot to enjoy about you.

> My wife took all that from me though, so now I need to fight to get my kids back.

There's an intense amount of suffering and courage in this statement which you tried to present in such a deadpan, flippant way.

> So I don't care any more what others think of me. I came to accept my dullness and embraced it. If it bores others, I don't care.

That's good, but I don't think you're actually dull or boring. Someone put that in your head and you accepted it.

Removal of the no fault divorce law can’t come fast enough.

Sort of reminds me of "The Last Lecture" on cliches.

Here's a summary:

Cliches work because they’re typically right on the money. Plus, kids don’t know most of them, so educators should use them. They’re a new audience and they’re inspired by cliches.

This comment reminds me of my own socially anxious belief that I am boring, that people don't want to hear what I have to say, etc. And I have had plenty of evidence to reinforce those beliefs. As I have been working through things in therapy though, I have realized that my wounded mind grabs on to those things that reinforce that negative belief and tends to be dismissive of things that would contradict it. I've also realized that because I have those fears/wounds I often interact with people in ways that are more likely to elicit disinterested responses - I often have a flat affect and emote little, display no enthusiasm when communicating about things that I care about because I expect that the other person won't be interested or care. I wouldn't be surprised if I subconsciously have chosen friends who re-inforce those beliefs as well, I think I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people do respond enthusiastically toward me.

Some of my early experiences as an adult that broke my heart open a little were also with children - I don't have any of my own, but when my nephew and niece were young they were so open and enthusiastic and happy to see me it got past my wounded defense mechanisms.

It's a bit like reading this site...

Gentlemen, have you heard The curious tale of Bhutan's playable record postage stamps (2015)? https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44054775

I had to block it because I realized it just completely overtook my feed and 99% of it was in that "interesting but ultimately forgettable within 30 seconds of reading it" zone that's filling up social media. I mean it lived up to its name - it's very "dull" if vaguely interesting.

One of my favorite books is The Mezzanine[0], which takes place entirely as a man ascends a single elevator but spins off onto all kinds of tangents that comment on and express exuberance about the most mundane things.

There's an entire thread on the evolution of stapler design, elaborations on the invention of perforations, and abundant self-reflection. It's almost like a hybrid of Leonard Read's "I, Pencil" and Hegel.

There's something magical about paying close attention to the mundane, IMHO.

Praise dullness!

[0]:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mezzanine

Recently some spinoff/copycat groups have also sprouted up. There’s a “Dull Men’s Forum”, and a “Dull Men’s Fun Club”, for example, which post similar memes. And a “Dull Women’s Club” as well (even though I also often see women posting in the Dull Men’s Club, I suppose women on average have different sensibilities about where to draw the line between dull and interesting).

I view this as a sign that the group has become too popular and lots its “edge” (which in this case was its authentic dullness), and now is just a place for farming likes and impressions from the broader FB community. A lot of it is quite derivative of other popular posts - “what is the purpose of this thing I found in my hotel/new house/grandma’s house” posts seems to be a really common theme, for example.

My fave I remember seeing years ago was one where a man - over some long period of time - managed to park in every single parking space of a supermarket.

I feel like this energy perfectly encapsulates what dull mans club is all about

It's the facebook version of r/mildlyinteresting on Reddit, which is also very popular. I think it's because this is the kind of thing that fills our days: small oddities and observations that spark our brain but aren't exceptional.

There's high praise in some movies or animation where they depict the mundane; the long sequence in Ghost in the Shell just showing the city as it is, away from the main story (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARTLckN9e7I), most of Studio Ghibli's films, a lot of Breaking Bad and especially Better Call Saul, where there's a lot of scenes of people just going about their day, John Travolta getting a can of paint and a pizza in the opening of Saturday Night Fever (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfwQ_7xqO7Y), etc.

> Personally I think that every single person on earth is both the dullest person you have ever met and the most interesting person on earth, it just depends on your perspective.

You are most certainly right, but I don’t think that this is in contradiction with how the Club works. Everyone is dull and interesting depending on the situation and the audience. The Club is for when you found or saw something interesting and important to you, but your audience disagree, does not notice, or does not care.

Nobody is fundamentally dull, but everybody is being dull at some point.

I don't know why this perspective bothers me so much, but it does. This idea that people are alternatively dull or interesting feels wrong to me, on a kind of visceral level. So far so that I'm having trouble marshaling my thoughts enough that I can tell you why. It's like there's an intuition gap so large I'm getting vertigo. Nothing here is intended to say that the way you feel about it is invalid, but I need to write out my own feelings in order to put my brain's feet back on solid ground.

It feels entirely backwards to me that there is some kind of dull/exciting switch that flips and a person becomes dull or exciting, depending on whether the observer finds the topic the person is speaking about interesting. The one at fault (such that there is any) for the lack of interest isn't usually the speaker, surely?

I have a friend who works in a field that most people absolutely find completely uninteresting (and, to be frank, I am also uninterested in the field in general), but when we sit and have a pint after work and have a chat, I can't help but be engaged because there is more to learn about everything, and while the technical minutiae of his trade is unexciting, the conversation is not. I know more about turbidity now than I ever expected or needed to, but I don't feel like it was time wasted.

Swap me out for an analog of your wife, and the guy flips from interesting to dull? That seems unfair, for some reason, not that fairness should really ever into it. Just because an interest isn't shared doesn't mean it should be derided as dull, right?

And, y'know, conversely, I know a dull guy. Like, I like to think I'm a good conversationalist. I can hold my own in a chat with basically anyone. But this guy. He sink-holes literally anything you try to say. One word answers. You can drag out the most maniacal story of the past few years of your life, a story that every single person you've ever talked to about it has been engaged and you get a good back and forth and a bit of patter, but this guy: "Oh, cool". And he's like that with everyone. Play word association, you say salt, I say pepper, you say this guy's name, I say dull. All of this seems really mean, but I'm pretty sure he's happy being that guy. I mean who knows what his actual inner thoughts about the matter might be, because you'll never get him to say anything worth listening to about it.

And this, I think, is probably the crux of why I'm so not on board with the way you see it. My friend and my boring friend are not the same, vis-a-vis in a dullness competition. They're not even in the same weight class.

Anyway. Perspectives. Weird, huh?

Would you believe both Dull Men's Club groups were created by Americans?

No kidding.

The one with the registered-trademark symbol--a Nebraskan who moved to the UK.

The other one--a Texan.

Fascinating. The blog claims to be dull, and I am sure it is: but, it is no different from 'influencer content' except that those come with audiovisuals.

Why aren't all numbers in the set uninteresting? Did someone make a mistake when defining it?

Perhaps the minimal element should be removed from the set; there will be plenty of members that still remain.

My algebra 101 professor made this exact argument.

Of course, it sort of a joke, and so having an element of surprise helps it. But really, the properties that make a number “interesting” should probably be defined from the outset. By including “the smallest member of any set is interesting,” at the start, the joke is kind of blown because the result becomes obvious, right?

Edit: oh, are there uninteresting reals?

Bland, Australia (NSW) joined the group in 2017.

I don’t think building model airplanes is dull. I’d say doom scrolling and para-social behavior are the modern dull things

> I think once you are features in a guardian article, you arent dull anymore.

Come on, the Graun is the epitome of dull middle class.

Your standard for dull is too high. Most of the world does not create anything. The mere fact that you're creating something, even if it is an amateurish model airplane, is already cooler than what most of the world does with their free time.

I find this perspective just incredibly dull.

As if the measure of interesting is the attention of trash, click bait journalists.

To me, it is why most people and places have become increasingly dull and monotone over my lifetime.

It is like we have developed a society of dull, shitty stage actors, constantly trying to perform 24/7 but there is no audience other than all the other shitty stage actors.

Yes, this is were I found out it is NOT a good idea to cook your curry in a washing machine.

> I will exclude myself from this club by finding it interesting enough to comment on.

I immediately thought of the interesting number paradox

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interesting_number_paradox

I find some posts interesting, but most comments utterly stupid and a huge waste of time, although there is an occasional gem.

I think its an age thing - you spend your youth thinking its important to fit in - but then reach a point where you realise you are who you are and just accept it

Maybe this is just me and my experiences but when I encounter people in the wild that seem dull I often assume they just have fringe interests that are kinda problematic to share with regular people they haven't built rapport with yet.

Like they're probably into something weird or niche that doesn't translate well in casual conversation so they just keep it surface level until they figure out if you're their type of person.

And no shoe size!

There’s actually a large amount of women in the DMC FB group. Everyone is welcome.

I guess this explains my affinity for nocss.club

There's a Lemmy community: https://lemmy.world/c/dull_mens_club

Only if you don't have cats. If you have cats, "under" is the only sane choice.

There must be a confounding variable: are you an engineer-type?

What traits are correlated with overing?

Do underers look at the world differently?

And it is a false dichotomy. Some people just don't care what direction when they replace the roll - what's a suitable name for that clade? And then there's the people who use the floor and ignore the holder.

Mine is in the under configuration, due to being near an AC vent that will sometimes unspool the whole roll in the over configuration.

Vertical seems to tear better.