Comment by Leftium | Hacker News Reader

Comment by Leftium | Hacker News Reader

It can also be considered rude to use the more formal style of speech when the social hierarchy dictates the informal style should be used.

The book Using Korean[1] gives a detailed explanation of how formal speech indicates social distance more than simple politeness:

> [존댓말] indicates a psychological distance between the speaker and the hearer... a couple in a romantic relationship who normally use an intimate casual style with each other will suddenly switch to a formal style after they fight, to demonstrate the distance they feel from each other.

From a related discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/Korean/comments/vcusut/comment/icj2...

[1]: https://books.google.co.kr/books?id=2ggVsnUCbiAC&lpg=PA17&pg...

That isn't about the social hierarchy, it's about the switch. If the couple would always use 존댓말 - which is not the norm nowadays but still a large enough minority that it's not weird - then obviously it'd be a switch to 반말 that would be shocking; in fact it would sound even worse to suddenly do so during a fight.

It's interesting that someone like a boss would be further away from you and not a friend, how would you talk to your boss that is also your friend?

I suppose it would depend on the exact people and circumstances: the "social distance" can be very subjective.

- The same situation with different people or the same people in a different situation may result in different speech levels.

- If an older person feels really close to a junior, they may even ask them to "lower their speech."

There was a documentary about a much older Korean working for a very young boss. This resulted in a conflict: age hierarchy vs role hierarchy. They both spoke to each other in the formal style.

And think about addressing a mix of people who are both above and below you in the hierarchy...

Damn, the last thing I need is my wife switching to formal language when she’s mad at me.

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