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Comment by _zaey | Hacker News Reader

Bouldering (indoor climbing) is the most social sport I’ve tried, and I’d highly recommend going on your own as you will find opportunities to meet new people, and others will talk to you (as long as you’re not wearing headphones!).

Bouldering provides an open space you can move freely in, with no inherent social hierarchy (no tutors, teachers), just people trying varying difficulties of bouldering routes. If someone can do a route you can’t, just ask them for tips, or if someone can’t do a route you can, ask if they want help, or cheer someone on when they do something difficult.

Bouldering provides lots of easy conversation starters, and as with all social situations, going on your own and showing vulnerability will always be endearing to others.

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Pickleball is another great option. I find open-play pickelball to be even more social than bouldering! It's also cheaper. There are courts everywhere these days!

I can disagree with this take.

For one, bouldering is not great if you have a fear of heights or maybe some mobility issues due to a previous injury. It's then a massively painful and risky chore and not a pleasurable activity but requires you to be at 100% health physically and mentally in order to do anything beyond kiddy walls. Otherwise you can fall and injure yourself pretty badly. Granted, that's mostly on you, not the sport but still, it's not a universally approachable sport by everyone by any stretch. At least I never gotten to enjoy it no matter how much I forced myself to based on the hype of those around me and the internet.

> with no inherit social hierarchy

Not 100% true. This might be your conscious way of wanting to see things, but in reality, all sports especially in male groups are inherently competitive where a clear hierarchy gets formed which leads to either admiration or repulsion based on abilities and results, even if it's just subconsciously, but it is there and everyone is aware of it even if we choose to ignore it for the sake of equality and inclusion.

IMHO, team sports like football, handball, volleyball, tennis, ping-pong, various martial arts etc are far better for socializing because you actually have to partner with others and play against others, versus solitary like bouldering.

> I’d highly recommend going on your own as you will find opportunities to meet new people, and others will talk to you

I feel like this take is 100% based on regional social customs of where you live, and not on the sport. This might be my experience of the German speaking country I moved to but from the locals, nobody here ever starts making conversation to you randomly. People tend to go with their social group and not interact with strangers, while those who go alone tend to want to be left alone to practice and not get interrupted with small talk by other who are there to make friends.

Just like the gym, it's definitely not a way to make friends here, since people got here to work out, not have conversations with strangers.

Sorry to hear that’s your experience.

I’m staying with my parents this week and I visited the local bouldering gym alone on Wednesday and last night.

On Wednesday I met someone called Nelly, and hung out with them for the session.

Yesterday I bumped into Nelly with their friends Maddie and Kate and climbed with them.

I’m leaving on Sunday so I gave one of them my number and they messaged me to say it was great fun climbing together.

Now we might be climbing again this weekend.

Granted, I approached them, but all it took was asking Nelly, “How did you find that route?” and asking them for tips.

The bouldering gym is what you make it, just hang out and don’t assume people will reject you (which can be a difficult headspace to get out of, but exposure therapy will fix that, and the bouldering gym can be that exposure therapy)

You don't need to go to the bouldering gym to make small talk hoping it becomes more than that. You can make small talk everywhere like libraries, cafes, bars, meet-ups, concerts, stand-ups, etc. places where the main activity is talking, not exercising.

And if sports is your jam, team sports are better for socializing than solitary sports like bouldering, because you are forced to work together and build connections even without talking too much.

From my experience here, bouldering gym are the worst if socializing is your main goal because local people go there to exercise not hang around to talk to strangers and build connections, even if you're the one initiation the conversations. Socializing with strangers at the bouldering gym seems to be a mostly anglosphere thing or a big international city young urbanite thing as people mostly go there to hang out and meet new people instead of exercise. But again, bouldering is not a very easy sport for everyone to pick-up and master.

I suppose it’s very different here in the UK then

I think it's kind of a German thing.

Even as a German, I sometimes struggle to connect with others for many of the reasons FirmwareBurner mentioned.

I made some good friends through a sports group I attend, which also organizes regular social events outside of training.

But aside from that, many so-called 'low-key social spaces' tend to feel like they're 'only for groups' Not because of any official rules, of course, although some places do advertise things like 'bring your friends', but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups. These aren’t necessarily close friends either, sometimes it's coworkers or people who already know each other through other contexts.

Those groups tend to stick together, and it's rare for outsiders to be included unless you already know someone who can introduce you.

>I think it's kind of a German thing.

Nordic, Scandinavian, German, Austrian, Swiss, etc any culture where personal space is valued and talking to random strangers/outsiders in public not the norm.

>but in practice, you usually see people there in pre-formed groups.

Because most people by the age of 25+, or whenever they graduate college/university already have their core social circle solidified and don't have the time, space and energy to seek or even let newcomers in. If you move into town after that age, you're gonna have un uphill battle to squeeze yourself into groups no matter how sociable you are or how good your bouldering skills are unless you run into other similar loners looking for friends, then you're in luck.

It's just the way it is, it's not your fault and not other peoples' fault , hence why I dislike such broad stroke one size fits all advices like "just do bouldering bro" as that's missing a lot of the context and variables that relationships are built on. You should choose activities based on what you most enjoy to do, not based on which others tell you leads to make relationships.

UK has people much more sociable and open compared to Germanic/Nordic cultures.

Small-talk is dying people on their iPhones constantly scrolling every spare moment

It has a built-in gating function. People who are out-of-shape or with injuries will opt-out. Bouldering favors slim people. On the other hand, I think gating functions are necessary to build community. Often gating-functions are accomplished with wealth (gated community, country club), but its more interesting when its some other function.

Maybe good idea for a meetup might be to solve some tech challenge, idk. Solve X get invited to some hacker house/space maybe? (i'm saying this as a person who probably wouldn't solve it)

>On the other hand, I think gating functions are necessary to build community.

Of course, obviously, 100% agree. But then why is there so much debate in this topic that "men's only social/recreational spaces" are somehow discriminatory? We humans segregate ourselves based on a lot of shared things all the time since childhood.

>Bouldering favors slim people.

You're missing my point. The point I was making is that where I live, what I noticed, is that people who go to perform solitary sports like bouldering, tend to do said activity for the workout itself, not to meet new people or socialize with strangers.

They go there alone or with their group, they boulder alone or together, then they go home, not reciprocate much to chit-chat of others since that's not what they came for. You can pick any other such sport, likes fitness studios/gym, the result will be the same, people go there to lift weights, then go home, any addition chit-chat is more of an annoying interruption from their workout. Sure, people here are polite and they'll answer your questions on technique or to spot you, but they won't open up to strangers and start to befriend you just because you engaged them in some conversation. Social etiquette differs heavily between cultures. Some are more isolationist towards strangers and value personal space, some are more open.

You have better chances in meeting people in socializing at teams sports like football, volleyball, martial arts, etc because the sport itself demands it. Or just to events where socializing is the main activity like concerts, pub quizzes, etc. but solitary sports like bouldering are pretty bad for that unless the bouldering gym is full of posers who only go there seeking to socialize instead of work out (there are some of those in every gym, you see them spend most of the time scrolling on their phone or taking selfies for Instagram stories instead of working out).

It brings automatically like-minded folks together into same place, I have to agree. I wouldnt expect spontaneous conversations automatically, at least where I go in Europe thats not the case. But maybe it takes just a polite few words, people in Switzerland are very shy and overly respectful of other's private sphere.

Headphones for any sort of climbing - please dont do that and politely advise others to refrain from use while climbing, thats 1) frowned upon massively in whole community; 2) increases risk of something bad happening; 3) just a bit too arrogant, one doesnt do that in ie restaurant neither

Is it usually done in natural settings outdoors, or in a sort of gym, indoors?

Both! Usually outdoor bouldering is a bit more of an undertaking to get into since you’ll have to travel and bring matts & additional gear. But look up “climbing gym” on google and you should be able to find some if you’re in a reasonably sized metro. Not sure if you’re in the USA but the southwest has a ton of great outdoor bouldering.

It ranges from high tech indoor and outdoor gyms with customisable holds all the way to a random rock somewhere in the middle of nature where local guys put a few mats under. If you start going to a gym you'll naturally learn about all the other places very quickly.

In my experience people will start indoors and build experience before heading outdoors.

You could ask people in the bouldering gym whether they have any experience with outdoor bouldering and people will start sharing their favourite spots nearby, and might even invite you along.

Outdoors requires:

- your own climbing shoes

- someone with a bouldering mat

Whereas you will hire shoes from the bouldering gym as a beginner

You won’t need to bring anything to the bouldering gym other than a water bottle and some loose fit clothing

it's like a daycare play space for adults. hopefully with less biting incidents.

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