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Comment by nswizzle31 | Hacker News Reader

You're definitely on to something. Although early 30s doesn't seem so old, the intense nostalgia of college has definitely waned. I would say I'm more grappling with the reality that it really won't ever again feel like that. I know it's true from a time perspective... I'm married and have a full-time job. But I figured I couldn't let the dream die that easily :)

Do you really develop lasting friendships on the course or in rec league sports? I just haven't had that experience and the popularity of those activities is sky rocketing (see: running clubs) while the problem doesn't seem to be getting any better.

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> Do you really develop lasting friendships on the course or in rec league sports? I just haven't had that experience and the popularity of those activities is sky rocketing (see: running clubs) while the problem doesn't seem to be getting any better.

When I did rec league sports most of the guys were there to meet women

There wasn't a men's only league

That’s what I notice with a lot of meetups, etc. guys don’t even want to talk to other guys, they gotta talk to women only, personally I’ll talk to whoever

I think you can develop lasting friendships doing pretty much any group activity. But it can require a lot more effort (perhaps on your part) to get the ball rolling. Depending on the activity, you probably won't be having deep (or any) conversations while doing the activity, so you need to actively engage with people before or after the activity. That might be very small at first, but over many weeks or months might grow into grabbing a drink or meal after the activity, and being open to starting deeper conversations.

I'm terrible at this. I struggle to push myself to ask deeper questions of new friends, feeling like I'm being intrusive or prying, but I think it's necessary to do this in order to move forward. When we were in college, making friends was easy, because there was a shared experience right in front of us to talk about, and that could naturally lead to deeper conversations. As we get older, that isn't really there, and it takes active, deliberate effort to get there.

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