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I can relate, been in a very similar situation

Some recommendations: take care of yourself, it might feel like a chore, but it’s important. Personally, exercising regularly (15-45 min mon-fri) helped me get out of a very long rut

Also, pace yourself, but keep going, try to apply to 1-2 jobs every day to keep consistency

If/when you are out of a job, try to keep a project going that makes you feel productive, even if you are not making money, feeling like you got something done makes a huge difference

Edit: use ChatGPT voice mode on your phone to prepare for interviews, it’s pretty good at role playing, coaching and encouraging

A bit of a plug: I built this command line tool that uses AI to help you find jobs and track applications - https://github.com/nicobrenner/commandjobs

Feel free to use it, and would me more than happy if you want to contribute or collaborate on it

Finally, a lot of people go through what you are going through, especially people in the spectrum. Try to stay connected to friends, family, loved ones, or even join a group related to one of your interests

Good luck and contact me via GitHub if you want to talk in more detail about anything

I'm kinda in a similar situation. ADHD, not autism, but I've struggled to find a job I enjoy and thus struggled to achieve anything impressive in my career. Almost 30. I feel like so many people younger than me have accomplished much more.

Also disillusioned with corporate tech and deleted my LinkedIn. I hate networking and my only network is my (actually quite) extensive and good college network.

I'm actually great at interviews generally though I've become less confident over time as I don't have many impressive achievements to brag about and the longer your career goes on and you've just "made websites and apps" every year the harder it is to defend increasingly senior positions.

Also feeling burnt out and I consider myself a generalist with no amazingly specific skills. Mostly js/ts, web dev, react. Basically the most common shit, I know it best, so nothing makes me stand out.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to share you're not alone in feeling these things.

Thanks for sharing. I hear you.

I used to struggle with comparing myself. I don't offer it as advice per se but I tell myself: no matter what you achieve, there'll always be someone smarter, richer, better. Not in the sense to give up, but to give it some perspective. Ie reduce the upper bound to bring some calm.

And don't devalue "websites, js/ts, web dev, react" etc. These are complex, forever-changing technologies. You aren't putting widgets in a box in a factory (no offence, widget-packers)

Your 30s are an exciting time. Most of my friends got much more sure of themselves (and me to an extent). You're still young but not wet behind the ears.

First, I wouldn't give up on the work relationships. Even if you damaged them, it's good practice and good karma to try to make amends; people really appreciate others reforming, and they will take you seriously as a person if you do. And even if they balk, you tried, and you can leave with clean hands and new life lessons. But most of all, the regularity of work and home is a good basis for making other life changes. Unemployment changes economic and social and perhaps home context, making it mostly a time to hold things constant to balance the equation; any change is more forced than elected. Better to hold employment but start changing what you want.

Ok, not to duck the hypothetical, assuming you do leave (and to add to the other good advice here)...

We tend to focus on the things we can control, and things we understand; we stay in a context. A job change is a chance not to be stuck in that mode.

The biggest difference in work latitude is the overall need and value flow. It's just easier to be on a big river than a tiny stream, modulo competition. So consider the world in terms on value-flow and competition. E.g., tech value flows can be large but volatile, and competition includes outsourcing and automation on top of new grads. In-person health care services require long credentialing but then are protected by those credentials and the difficulty of automation; but because it's in-person, the value is hard to scale unless you're a rainmaker (i.e., a doctor). And so on.

A job change is also a chance to reset your life. Yes, try exercise and address some other self- and social-debt, but don't load yourself with obligations. The key thing is values, how you feel, and your liveliness relative to life. It'd be a good sign when there's a nice view, and you really feel it, without distraction from your psycho-social-economic context. When you discover your values, you pretty naturally start working on them and work isn't hard.

> I haven’t interviewed in years and get extremely anxious in interviews.

If you are a programmer, the hiring process these days is an unbelievable screw-up with no shred of professionalism whatsoever in many, if not most, cases. Either make a conscious effort not to let it get under your skin or start only with job offers that specifically outline the hiring process as one with a take-home coding assignment, as opposed to all the pair-programming or white-boarding nonsense. Otherwise, it will hurt and you will get discouraged. Also, consider starting to build up reputation on Upwork, etc. as a freelancer. As you gain more clients down the line, you can always just drop the ones you do not enjoy working for.

I went through this exact trajectory last year. Mid-40s with added weight of having a family as a sole earner, and feeling burnout for the first time in my life.

Things to do before you leave your current job: - make LinkedIn connections with all your co-workers. Generally co-workers accept those, even if they don't think you're great. The reason for this is to increase your number of "1st/2nd/3rd connections" on LinkedIn. Which likely doesn't matter, but hey why not. - Depending on where you live, you may be able to get unemployment if you quit or fired but not the other way around. So figure that out, as well as what health care looks like for you and plan accordingly. - Update your resume with your current projects etc. if you haven't done that lately.

Now once you are free of your current job, don't do any coding for a few months. No interview prep, no learning AI, none of it. Exercise and eat right, as others have said. Have a routine and maybe explore those 2 non-tech things.

But give yourself a calendar and come back to things after you've let the burnout fade a bit. Don't rush back after a month because you start to get anxious - your body physically needs to recover.

At this point, like it our not, I'd spend time getting comfortable with Cursor and vibe coding tools. Build a thing, see how it works, play around. You won't be able to avoid AI so see how it can help you with what you already know how to do and where it can't help.

If you suck at interviews and leet coding, don't worry about it. Take some interviews, bomb them. The goal is to develop a thicker skin, which is the first step. Also, if a company's hiring culture is steeped in crap you hate, you will probably hate the job anyway. If they as you to do a weekend project, prefer to do that. That is likely where you will shine. Plus, it is a good way to practice when unemployed.

Lastly, lean into your strengths - generalists and graybeards tend to be great at startups because they can pump things out and understand the big picture. Look for roles on sites like WellFound rather than LinkedIn. If you use LinkedIn, really only jobs through recruiters bear fruit nowadays.

Thanks for sharing and for the advice

If you haven't already, reach out to the non-profit Multiple. Since you already have a tech background & savings, create a startup & apply to their workforce accelerator: https://www.multiplehub.org/projects/autism-x-workforce-deve...

Sounds like you need a break of 3 months to half a year, where you don't think about work. Do stuff that gives you energy. Hiking in nature, visit friends, make or listen to music. Do meditation (just search for a meditation audio/video on YouTube if you do not know where to start. If you can afford it, seek professional counseling. Make sure to exercise or at least walk a lot. Write regularly in a journal what gave energy, what took energy and how you are feeling. Keep in touch with family and friends. Good luck!

Pick up an exercise program and give it 5-10 hours a week. It'll give you routine, non-critical goals that you can just plod toward even on days you don't feel like it (but you'll feel better afterward), improve your general health, and provide you with a topic for small talk. Yes, pursue your non-tech interests.

You are way too pessimistic. It would help if you find ways to make yourself more optimistic, whether that's through a long break or exercise or nature or your hobbies. I suggest starting with a long break.

> I’m 40.

If you think that's too old, no it's not. My manager is older than that when he got the current job.

> I struggle with networking, so I have no professional connections.

If you have coworkers you have professional connections.

> My savings can last about two year

That's not bad at all. Feel free to spend a half year to one year taking a break and the rest of the time preparing your next steps.

> I haven’t interviewed in years and get extremely anxious in interviews.

You need to be more confident in yourself. Interviewing is a skill that can be learned. Not being anxious also can be learned.

I go through ups and downs of positivity - it's been a life-long struggle. I wish I could flip it on as easy as firing up the laptop!

Obviously, right now, it's a bit of a difficult time...

> You need to be more confident in yourself

Again, I go through periods. Some days I look in the mirror and I think: you're going to smash it today. Others, I don't like to look in the mirror

I referenced some health/body challenges - confidence is a big reason I want to work on those issues.

> Not being anxious also can be learned

For sure. Just need to work on that

If you have the means/opportunity to go back to school and do another profession that you have interest in, I recommend it. That is precisely what I did with my SWE earnings. Take it slow though, I breezed through a harder degree plan my first time around college and proceeded to do much worse at the start when I went back. I had to be realistic and take a lighter course load.

A bit unorthodox advice, start lifting weights. Heavy. Aim to build strength, not muscles or look. 40s is a great age to do this, better than 50s for sure. For men, physical strength gives more confidence, and problems which you perceive hard will look less so when you are able to deadlift 500lb. And yeah, don't quit your current job without getting new one. Bad idea. And don't give away anything for free to your employer.If they want to fire you, make them sweat (in some places it is not easy process).

ps: speaking of taking 3-6-12 months off advises. Irrelevant of your situation, I think we are living through interesting part of the "hockey stick" curve when being out for one year could mean end of the tech career. Things move way too fast, and gaining velocity.

re your last paragraph, I'm not sure (another commenter told me to be more positive so here we go!)

In my ~20 year career, a huge amount of tech has just been: servers, frontend, backend, databases, queues, caches, auth etc. The big shifts have been gradual and evolutionary (eg NoSQL, OAuth, React, SaaS, Cloud)

Big fads that were going to disrupt tech work as we know it have not entirely lived up to their hype (at least from my perspective): No Code, Blockchain, Serverless, GraphQL, Big Data.

Tech is a lot of big companies who move very slow. Particularly outside of SV/US where there is less VC hype.

But, it could be different this time. It's of course something to keep an eye on, particular if I feel I need to ride the hype train to get back into things

Create 2+ distinct LinkedIn profiles optimized for maximum SEO. No generalizations - focus on highly specific skills (omit irrelevant ones). Do not duplicate names, for example, use only the first initial in one case (must be real but not a 1:1 copy of another account). Fully complete the profiles (100%), adding comments and tags wherever possible. Then, prepare an epic CV that stands out from others (if someone has 100 CVs on their desk, they should pick yours without even reading it).

Thanks for your reply. Could you ELI5 the reason for 2 distinct profiles? Just to increase the chances? Ie 3 would theoretically be more beneficial?

My experience is that sending out CVs and searching for job postings didn't yield any results in my case. All the recruitment processes I've been through came from someone finding my LinkedIn profile and reaching out with a job offer. So, if you have general skills but lack specialized ones, I think the best approach is to tailor your profile to specific job offers and wait for someone to contact you.

I've never done more than 1 profile myself because I have just one strong skill —good knowledge of SQL Server — and my profile is built around that. If I had more skills, I wouldn't list them all, instead, I'd precisely target specific job postings.

Besides SQL Server, I obviously know the basics of other things and have decent general IT knowledge, but I don't mention those skills on my CV or LinkedIn at all.

Simply treat your profile and CV like you're optimizing a website for SEO, targeting specific keywords. That's my advice.

Imagine an average recruiter from a foreign country looking for candidates for a specific position. Make your profile in a way that, first, it appears in their suggestions (through the algorithm/keywords), and second, when they visit it, even without deep IT knowledge, they can easily see that you're a fitting candidate for the role they're trying to fill.

Ah I get it. Thank you

Continue applying--the lead time to finding a new job is often months for people in similar positions/already laid off.

You might need 6 months or more to find a new gig, and the response rate for applying is very low across the board.

I'm in a similar position, and would love to take time off, but I'm actively launching resumes into the ether to see what happens in the interim.

Plenty of scams, and lots of "ghosting."

If OP is anything like me, they are barely getting enough work done to not get fired, and actively applying for jobs would push them over the edge into "almost certainly getting fired soon" territory

Believe me, I get it.

I mean in the longer timeframe, when to "start searching."

If the job ends today, start the horrible process of spraying resumes around the next day. Long lead times are very common now, apparently.

> If the job ends today, start the horrible process of spraying resumes around the next day. Long lead times are very common now, apparently.

Thanks. I think this concurrency is good advice. Slow ramp up

My boss isn't a monster, and quite intuitive. Despite being very annoyed with me, wanting to get rid of me, I think on some level she knows I'm struggling and has taken a lot off my plate. I'm still relatively productive in most tasks. But it's taking a toll for sure.

But yes even the thought of doing an interview is invoking enough anxiety to make me sweat. I wouldn't even have the mental capacity to 'sell myself' to my mom right now. I would definitely have to reduce $JOB effort to interview

> - I struggle with networking, so I have no professional connections.

Do you have former coworkers? If so, you have professional connections, no?

Your city should have job search group of some kind. Try your college's alumni association, or the local university's if different.

See what your local business development resources are, local universities often have something, the Chamber of Commerce can also help.

Get a notebook and do Julie Cameron morning pages. Get a lot of stuff out of your head.

Take some walks.

What area are you in?

I get the disillusion. If your saving last you a while, it might be worth to work on something for yourself. It doesn't have to be a multi million dollar VC startup. Just something that pays the bills and is sustainable.

Best advice for now might be to just at least for 3-6 months take a break, work on stuff you enjoy and see from there.

> What area are you in?

I hope it is okay, but I prefer not to say. It is a place with not so high cost of living. There are not really many VCs here, but I think that is not something I would want to do anyway.

> Best advice for now might be to just at least for 3-6 months take a break, work on stuff you enjoy and see from there.

I think I am afraid of not getting a job again in an industry that pays quite okay and is not too difficult compared to others.

But I had six months off in a similar situation in 2010, and it was okay in the end. But at that time, I was much younger than now :-)

I don't understand your concern. You're afraid to not get a job, so you won't even try? I am sorry, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

Also, about the age stuff, sounds like youve been drinking the wrong kool-aid. Almost all markets in tech still have great opportunities for 40-years-olds.

You're not sure if you want to go solo or not? That seems unclear to me as well. There are all sorts of investors. If you have the drive to build things and talent, you can definitely attract good investment opportunities.

Harsh criticisms, I know. But you need to think what really is making you hesitate and confront that.

> You're afraid to not get a job, so you won't even try?

I genuinely feel I need a break and need to work on other things. And I feel jumping into a similar tech job would make my mental health situation worse.

The point I was trying to make that being unemployed for a long period makes it harder to get employed at the same level/pay again

> Almost all markets in tech still have great opportunities for 40-years-olds.

Great!

> You're not sure if you want to go solo or not? That seems unclear to me as well

I'm open to self employment, just not not grinding away at a tech product in the hope to get VC money. I don't think I have the passion for tech right now to do that

> I genuinely feel I need a break and need to work on other things. And I feel jumping into a similar tech job would make my mental health situation worse.

You just answered your own question. 6 months off, now. You can afford it.

Don’t try and answer all the other questions about getting another job or who to work for or retrain in another field or all that stuff - you’re not in the right frame of mind to answer those questions until AFTER you have had your rest. You will still think about all of this a lot during your rest period, and by the end of it you will have your answers.

So there you are, rest and work on those physical and mental health issues you mentioned above. There’s your answer.

Thank you

Advice: By independently developing a product with AI that helps a specific community and can generate long-term profits — that’s what I’m doing, inspired by Sahil Lavingia.

I'm about to be fired. I plan on applying to places, but ultimately it seems that I'll end up working retail or similar.

From my own personal experience with burnout, what I learnt was that life isn’t linear, and no matter how hard you work to make it feel that it is, your dharma will humble you in some way shape or form. Our society falls drastically short on helping us deal with the actualities of life, or even worst, society deceives us, and as a result we can feel stranded, and have little in our toolbox to navigate through the harder times.

I learnt that sacrifice was a necessary part of life. Giving up substantial money working a full time job to pursue my own business and health goals. 5 years later, I still have to make that sacrifice as many companies only hire FTE, but thats the price I will pay for my freedom.

The financial sacrifice has been considerable, but thats just how it is, and thats OK, because what I get in return is greater; self-determination, flexibility, spontaneity, opportunity, and best of all, I get to build stuff that actually interests me.

The other thing I got in return is the ability to challenge myself in the most optimal way possible to advance my skills and grow as a person. A comfy webdev job is an insidious way to atrophy the body, mind and spirit.

The reality is, had I not changed path, I probably would be still burnt out so I didn't really have a choice in the matter, the signs were so obvious you’d have to have your head in the sand to ignore them! I remember the weakness I felt, waking up so exhausted, frail, like an old man! Thats no way to live.

Some more actionable advice:

1. I have pretty intense ADHD, and I certainly don't fit the corporate mould. Neurodivergence can be a gift if you can wield it. I get hyperfocus from my work (I did 14h today, and would have done more if my partner hadn't stopped me), it fits in with entrepreneurship for sure.

2. Consistent Exercise is one of the most crucial things I learnt to do. It literally changed my life and lifted me (no pun intended) out of my burnout, depression and addictions. I started going to the gym 3-4 times a week, hitting the 90deg sauna afterwards. I never liked gyms or that culture, so this really says a lot. I cant emphasise enough how much this helped me.

3. Don't be afraid of letting go if what you are holding onto makes you miserable. Trust in yourself.

Good luck. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk more.

Advice: apply for job interviews.

Thanks

Not recommended. I did this some time ago and I have to wake up in the morning and commute now.

Makes me wonder what other kinds of burdensome chores people are willing to endure because they're out of options to deal with life.

Visit Silicon Valley for a month or 2.

0. Go to lots and lots of meetups and related tech conferences/community meetings.

1. Hang out in coffee shops around after lunch and after normal work business hours in Silicon Valley including Red Rock and ones in SF. This is when people are most likely to be hustling on side projects.

2. Talk to strangers with laptops.

Notes:

i. Whenever you meet people, exchange first/last name + phone + email. The easiest way post-Bump shutdown is to create a QR barcode in VCF encoding containing your name, email, and phone number. This is even better than a business card because it works with every smartphone without an app. I taped one to the back of my slim magsafe wallet.

ii. Write a personalized (not ChatGPT) greeting/thank you email to everyone you make contact with the day of or the day after.

If jobs oppy's don't find you, launch a consulting business. A US LLC is cheap and getting a business bank account is easy, and makes it so megacorps can hire you and pay your company in a manner that looks official.

Moreover, one of the best paths forward for stable happiness would be a company in the form of a worker-owned co-op who do consultingish things, have subscribers, and sell/license products. Megacorps will always let you down just as soon as the market softens. A very small but talented band of creatives, coders, business, and sales people can create opportunities by delivering excellent value for their customers.

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