Wow, what the fuck.
"Also, this chapter about Query Performance Optimization from the High Performance MySQL book has some great insights. One of the techniques it mentions is JOIN decomposition:
Many high-performance web sites use join decomposition. You can decompose a join by running multiple single-table queries instead of a multitable join, and then performing the join in the application."
This belief that they can write JavaScript that outperforms decades of bare-metal executed optimisations in mainstream database engines is just astonishing.