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Comment by vasco | Hacker News Reader

The only method that works long term is being honest about what you want from people and honest about the diff between your expectations and their output.

In a previous company many times new managers asked me how to approach a subject with their reports and usually they wouldn't consider just saying it exactly as they described it to me. Just say what you mean, it'll help all your relationships, not even just work ones.

It's hard enough trying to convey what you mean clearly, adding shenanigans that you'll also be bad at on top is not going to help.

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> Just say what you mean

This greatly depends on work culture and ARL's - adulthood readiness levels.

Many people are not graceful with open criticism even if done privately and constructively.

Without falling into stereotypes culture still matters specially in an international setting. Some cultures expect a lot of innuendo and indirection, for example in British or Japanese work environments. West coast US typically expects a lot of positive praise even when pointing out negatives. Whereas others like the Dutch expect more direct or even literal speech.

As a Brit I’ve had to unlearn a lot of this (IMO nonsensical and obstructive) innuendo, and it’s made a huge difference in my work and personal life.

Yep. And some people just aren't receptive to bad news, no matter the style used or the culture.

So you might see someone who's very matter-of-fact and direct, critical of everyone, but that crumbles at the smallest feedback that isn't praise.

So instead of speaking to the point and saying what I mean I should instead tailor speech to each individual based on my stereotypes of the country they come from?

People are obviously different from each other, you should still say what you mean instead of reading "5 ways to manipulate people at work" blog posts. Be honest and respectful, whatever faux-pas you do will be 1000x better than someone feeling like you're trying to have them do something while saying another and lose all trust forever.

Here here to not losing your humanity just because you work in a corporation/organization

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