This comment goes against the spirit of respect that should reign on HN. Please contribute only if you've anything remotely interesting to say -- thank you!

Skimming the text it seems okay. Relatively simple sentences (simple sentences are not necessarily good, depends on the complexity of the subject). A string of simple statements are used to continue the narrative. More complex sentences are built up with a few colons (should be semicolons) and a stringing together of commas that I personally will never get used to.