They tend to prefer huge houses with relatively complex designs (less optimal in term of area/volume ratio) / poor insulation, they make up for it by relying on tech for heating/cooling pretty much year round.
Your tankless water heater is a good example of something that is completely inadequate for solar setups, they draw insane amount of energy over very quick period of time. But I think that's the core of the issue, if you want to keep all the nice things modern American houses have you're going to need a lot of money and a lot of sun. On the other hand if you're a bit more frugal, with so called "passive house", you can get by with a much smaller setup.
> I will note in passing that both our dishwasher and our microwave oven require 20A circuits
And a tankless heater will need 5 times that, unless you're using gas but I wouldn't count that in a "modern first world 21st century home".