You could just choose optimism
quarter--mile.com
quarter--mile.com
There seems to be common sentiment that being optimistic is somehow ignorant or otherwise insidious. Maybe this is true, but I am already too familiar with the acute pain that comes with a life entrenched in pessimism to allow myself to fall into that spiral.
> Astonishingly, these are often people that have suffered overwhelming personal tragedy.
One was in a small plane crash, the other was a SEAL that went into Grenada. He had rather long scar on his neck.
Very positive people, almost, but not quite, devil may care.
And it brings to mind a line from an early episode from “The Expanse”, where a character nearly died and, later returned on a dangerous mission. About how he should have died before, and now he was on bonus time.
I’m not convinced folks can talk themselves into the mindset that may come from experiences like that. It’s old news, we’ve all heard it. But, most of us, seemingly, are unconvinced.
There are tons of comments online that claim emotionally secure and mature people are ignorant or even irresponsible if they're not in perpetual anxiety about the world. The "you should be scared with the way the world is" type. Obviously, what they claim is not true, and it's very unhealthy. But someone who is emotionally secure understands they gain nothing from a neurotic debate online, so they don't call these opinions out. The opinions remain there, unchallenged, seemingly agreeable and prevalent.
Life entrenched in pessimism is also a bit contagious. Though I don't want to be unkind, I have to be honest: there is a limit to how much I can try to help someone with that mindset before they drag me down with them. Something I learned studying field medicine (and this isn't some secret in the first responder world or just general knowledge) is that you protect your safety first. If you arrive in a situation and add yourself to the casualty list, you are just not helping anyone: you get hurt, and you create more work. I think this applies not only to physical hazards, but also to emotional ones. One more depressed person in the world does not make it a better place for anyone.
It makes sense to exercise some caution, and most of our emotional brains understand that. This brings me back to the original point — it's hard for one to succeed anywhere if everyone's avoiding them (best case scenario) or being turned negative themselves (worst case scenario). Much remains to be said about the internet's role in this epidemic of negativity and various depressive disorder crises.
The parent comment to my original comment mentioned people who are "fake" optimists. I would describe them as jolly or bubbly often, but ultimately pessimistic. That's why their positivity feels disingenuous. It is a facade or a mask. I appreciate their effort, I am simply drawing a distinction between jolly/grouchy and optimistic/pessimistic.
"Will this person treat me fairly/kindly?" Often your optimism/pessimism will be a self fulfilling prophecy.
"Is this rainy day a good thing or a bad thing?" (An example from the article.) It turns out, you get to decide.
I remember once I got into a really nice conversation with a charming old guy in a coffee shop. He was markedly optimistic and he really left an impression on me. At the end of our conversation, I found out he was a Nazi death camp survivor.
I love everybody.
I love everybody in my heart.
And you can't make me hate you.
And you can't make me hate you.
I can offer a piece of advice to men who think they are similar: do not ever talk to anyone about things you don't like. Just don't. Talk about things you do like. This is not to say you should be a pushover, but music you don't like does not need to mentioned really ever.
In my experience women tend more towards being realistic and possibly pessimistic. But for both sexes the best way to not be negative is to be ignorant. Ignorance is bliss. It's up to each individual to decide whether being ignorant is really a good life, though.
That said, not complaining ever won’t get you anywhere either. (Even in a relationship, complaining is important if you’re suffering) A lot of times, a lack of complaining and being unaware of solutions is what results in you living a shit life forever. Complaining can be incredibly productive and healthy - especially if you’re focused on solutions. Obviously, complaining that energy isn’t free or how the sun is going to swallow us whole isn’t super productive… but there are many things worth complaining about.
I wonder how capitalists feel about complainers.
> By not being aware of having a shadow, you declare a part of your personality to be non-existent. Then it enters the kingdom of the non-existent, which swells up and takes on enormous proportions…If you get rid of qualities you don’t like by denying them, you become more and more unaware of what you are, you declare yourself more and more non-existent, and your devils will grow fatter and fatter.
You can't "optimism away" the "negative" emotions. You just bury them, but they continue to live in your system, and find their own ways out eventually.
It's easy to fall into the trap of endless negativity. It's also easy to fall into the trap of toxic positivity, where you refuse to process pain or the "negative" because you're trying so hard to force the positive.
> “I never actually knew I had an unconscious mind, but I suppose I must have done all along, without realising it.”
That means you're doing it wrong.
They're also emotions that contribute to the richness of being human, and shouldn't go away. Instead they should be understood and integrated into the whole.
Nobody is advocating denying negative things, optimism is not letting them grow in the first place.
You cannot totally rid yourself of these emotions.
Jung's point is that the negative emotions are there, just hidden from view. I actually think that "negative" is inaccurate, to be honest. Jung referring to it as the Shadow works better. These emotions aren't evil demons that should be expunged at the altar of optimism. They're parts of ourselves that need to be integrated.
The same negative thing can happen to two people and you might get entirely different emotions as a result.
The way that people “process” external events can have a large impact on the emotions that result.
Also, I forwarded it to my wife…
I think complaints, even gossipy ones, hold value. I agree with the general premise that it’s easier to complain, but in the hotel towel footnote honestly I’d complain to my friends because it’s a story to tell, not because I expect them to actually avoid the hotel. Misery loves company.
I agree, there's a funny thing about it, but to me it's more optimistic ;) It's like a very good point is being made, it's not perfect but, somehow, that point could be used to sharpen itself.
I doubt think the article is doing the former, while you're suggesting that it can't come without implying the latter.
But even the article doesn't describe the latter either. Grouchy G could have enjoyed the flight despite being a complainer, we really don't know.
Why are you such a pessimist? Jolly optimists doesn't say such pessimistic things, so you are a part of the problem.
It presupposes that all complaining is just to be negative. But people also complain in order to vent. And it isn’t just selfish. Venting can be cathartic for both parties.
There’s a psychological and social component to complaining. And denying that is just negative-nancy complaining.
'Oh who cares about this rubbish!', they'll say to the screen. Or 'who cares about these people, why do we need to see this?', or 'why do we give these people attention?'.
As someone who identifies as an optimist – and who hasn't watched any form of TV news in decades – I find it interesting.
As an optimist that likewise doesn't watch the news. it is interesting the many traps of things of false worthiness people get caught up in.
Anyhow, there is something about the word “despite”(그럼에도) that rings my soul. So I mutter it to myself all the time.
> There are entire YouTube channels dedicated to complaining about Disney’s Star Wars. When the video game Assassin’s Creed: Shadows was announced, thousands of people spent large chunks of their lives whining about it online.
The voice of Nature loudly cries, And many a message from the skies, That something in us never dies:
- Robert Burns
Just go on the hike. Tell others you're going if you'd like, maybe they'll go too, but saying "it might be fun..." feels something like a complaint. "I pride myself on being optimistic, so of course I have to mention how everyone else is being pessimistic." That's why it feels embarrassing.
I wouldn't say "don't complain"—just be mindful about complaining. It's a choice worth thinking about.
> There is, for example, a common sentiment among younger generations that their ability to purchase a home is completely out of their hands. [...] Some of those talking points might be true. But are they useful?
This is an unfortunate type of anti-politics. It actually does matter whether this is true—it affects how we run our society. Dwelling on unpleasant truths is not good for you, but ignoring them is bad for all of us.
Talk about optimism…
The point is that someone in bad circumstances can focus on the task and the horror of what they endure can subside.
It’s definitely possible to choose optimism and end up improving one’s situation.
There is something to be said about being able to focus on something other than your immediate surroundings. This one guy[1], for example, was apparently focused on the task of infiltrating Auschwitz.
Immediately thought of, and could not stop thinking of the Calvin & Hobbes camping trip. https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/candh/images/3/30/8-16.gif...
>I Literally Don’t Know
>TL;DR: You don’t need to pick my brain, or probably anyone’s brain, for general life advice. It won’t help.
Overall the Optimism piece is just long-form LinkedIn garbage. What insights does it present? Complaining bad, optimism good, not all complaining is bad, but complaining is mostly bad? OK..
Improvements rarely start with "I'm satisfied with this". Writing off complaining because one conflates complaining with misery is silly.
I've found improvements rarely start with complaining either. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that people I know that are complainers are rarely the source of improvements. They're usually too busy complaining about the situation and the proposed solutions to pick one.
Improvements most often come from a mindset of "this thing is not the way I want it to be, so what am I going to do to change that?" Sometimes "complain to someone with the ability to change it" is the right answer, but usually you have some degree of agency yourself and it's a lot more effective to exercise that agency than to get someone else to act on your behalf in response to your complaints.
The easiest thing is to stew and do nothing. Next easiest thing is to is to sit around and complain. After that comes actually doing something about the problem.
I think efficient, productive, optimistic people are people who don't have the ramp up time of stewing and complaining, and it becomes self perpetuating: they have a better life that's easy to be optimistic about because problems get solved by themselves without issues ("complaints").
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”
George Bernard Shaw
How can you make things better if you have nothing to complain about?
If you don't think things can be better, are you really an optimist?
Is the South Park episode about Indiana Jones ep4 complaing?
https://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/zwjhca/south-park-...
I put that statement to ChatGPT, and it reminded me of Churchill's "We Shall Fight on the Beaches"[0] speech, which is defiant, rather than optimistic.
Once again we seem to be in dire circumstances, on the brink of colossal ruin, owing the the whims of a handful toxic people, and the ignorance of so many who put them into power. I'm not at all optimistic, but I can try for grim determination.
[0] https://winstonchurchill.org/resources/speeches/1940-the-fin...
A realist would talk about pros/cons together, possibly in equal measure, and possibly not, and will actively resist absolute categorization of the remarks. A skeptic would ask, is your specific degree of optimism/pessimism on this thing warranted, and is this even the thing we want to be talking about? By comparison.. Why would you ever want to talk to an optimist or a pessimist, much less aspire to be either one?
It goes beyond the internet. The real world is an excruciating parade of torture, and no amount of self-platitudes or of positive thoughts will change the reality of the situation.
Sure, you can try and not have anxiety. Live in the moment. But someone is eventually going to take advantage of that and you'll be worse off. That can only happen so many times before you start reevaluating your thoughts, intentions aside.
Personally, the only times I've ever felt good about the world and how everything was going to be okay have been when I'm using opioids, hidden away in a corner of my room.
Just yesterday I went to the shop. A man was carrying an animal to the vet. He said g'day on his way past. Then I had a nice chat with the lady at the post office about her kid's birthday this weekend. I'd overheard her telling the previous customer about it, so I continued the conversation despite being a stranger to her.
Then I tried to buy a slab of beer at a place but it was too expensive. Had a nice chat to the lady there though.
That was about all. A quiet day. But really lovely. Nobody took advantage. Nothing bad happened. No woes or tribulations. Just a nice day with reasonable weather.
What happened to you yesterday?
> A man was carrying an animal to the vet. He said g'day on his way past. Then I had a nice chat with the lady at the post office about her kid's birthday this weekend.
And these shallow almost-no-effort-required conversations are what convince you that everything is good? For some, people making these polite conversations to hide the awfulness of life itself is maddening.
Not that such interaction is bad, but try to build on them to create any sort of meaningful relationship and see what happens.
> Nobody took advantage. Nothing bad happened. No woes or tribulations.
For you. I bet you many people were taken advantage of, killed, died from lack of food, were verbally abused, neglected emotionally, etc... that day
Neither will offset or do anything about the global inflation, or the famine in Sudan. Sitting inside and worrying about those things won't change it either.
In the end, it's a matter of convincing yourself to do something that goes against your instinctive responses, and then learn from that experience and hopefully re-train said instinctive responses. This is neither easy nor quick, and there will be times when you will feel like an idiot for trying to convince yourself to see something in a positive light. But once you manage, even for a few short moments, it will make you feel better. Losing hope won't.
But this article provides nothing. I was thinking that the article might have a clickbait “just do it” because they have some neat hack to switch your perspective. They don’t. Just be the opposite of a complainer.
Not to mention that complaining has a social and psychological function. Do you have any idea how terrible it is to live in an environment where you think certain things are awful but airing it seems impossible because, you know, it might just be you? Then someone else complains to you and you realize that you’re not alone? Well of course you have. That’s the human experience unless you are a complete optimistic outlier.
Complaining in moderation serves a function. Yes and I do mean complaining. Not just matter of factly bringing up issues in an objective manner and then perishing the negative thoughts to the void.[1] There are socially appropriate ways to complain (like to your friends about the hotel, not venting to random hotel staff).
And if you complain too much you need to cut down on that. But this article won’t help with that.
> There is, for example, a common sentiment among younger generations that their ability to purchase a home is completely out of their hands. The boomer generation fucked them, the government isn’t helping, and that’s that. No home, no retirement. People complain as if it’s already been decided.
Who’s really the 60-year-old champagne drinker here?
[1] Do they really perish though? Or do they stew subconsciously?
Biggest laugh I’ve had all week!
But oh my, it amazes to no end how fragile the egos of people in general are.