One of the frustrating things about talking about this is that the discussion often sounds like we're all talking about the same thing when we talk about "AI".
We're not.
Not only does it matter what language you code in, but the model you use and the context you give it also matter tremendously.
I'm a huge fan of AI-assisted coding, it's probably writing 80-90% of my code at this point, but I've had all the same experiences that you have, and still do sometimes. There's a steep learning curve to leveraging AIs effectively, and I think a lot of programmers stop before they get far enough along on that curve to see the magic.
For example, right now I'm coding with Cursor and I'm alternating between Claude 3.7 max, Gemini 2.5 pro max, and o3. They all have their strengths and weaknesses, and all cost for usage above the monthly subscription. I'm spending like $10 per day on these models at the moment. I could just use the models included with the subscription, but they tend to hallucinate more, or take odd steps around debugging, etc.
I've also got a bunch of documents and rules setup for Cursor to guide it in terms of what kinds of context to include for the model. And on top of that, there are things I'm learning about what works best in terms of how to phrase my requests, what to emphasize or tell the model NOT to do, etc.
Currently I usually start by laying out as much detail about the problem as I can, pointing to relevant files or little snippets of other code, linking to docs, etc, and asking it to devise a plan for accomplishing the task, but not to write any code. We'll go back and forth on the plan, then I'll have it implement test coverage if it makes sense, then run the tests and iterate on the implementation until they're green.
It's not perfect, I have to stop it and backup often, sometimes I have to dig into docs and get more details that I can hand off to shape the implementation better, etc. I've cursed in frustration at whatever model I'm using more than once.
But overall, it helps me write better code, faster. I never could have built what I've built over the last year without AI. Never.