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Comment by bckr | Hacker News Reader

It takes time to develop relationships that have

1. Longevity. The longer you’ve been friends the more likely you’ll be friends in the future.

2. Trust. Trust in a relationship is anti-fragile. The more times trust is partially damaged but restored, the stronger it becomes.

3. Meaning. The story “we met while looking for friends to do MDMA with, and now we are attached” is cute when you’re 23. What those people mean to you is that you are lovable and able to form bonds out in the world. Good! But shallow.

TLDR; it may be an effective way to have intense but shallow and short-lived connections

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Before I tried this process I would have agreed with you, however, we focus on longevity when it’s really intimacy that leads to deep lasting connections. It’s just that with the decades long friendships there is more time and opportunity for intimacy, vulnerability, and going through some shit together.

MDMA + the 36 questions is deep intimacy, vulnerability, and often going through some shit together.

We’re also not seeking friends to do MDMA with. On a few occasions, we’ve met interesting people that there is a strong initial spark of connection with and let them know about the practice. These friendships are now very deep and loving even if only a year or 3 old. They are anything but shallow.

As for short lived, only time will tell, but even if they were to end tomorrow I will have deeply cherished the present experience of these connections. I have one 10+ year friendship that is fading and while it breaks my heart from time to time, I still love this person and would do it all over again.

Genuinely curious to hear more about (2.), has trust's anti-fragility been studied and/or where did this view come from?

I am speaking from experience. The first conflict is always a picture of where a new relationship will lead, and each conflict after that determines whether the relationship will deepen or weaken.

I imagine it’s the kind of thing that has been studied!

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